[Mark Davies]

Garf, quality rant mate - and with absolute good cause! - but ever wondered why you've just had a heart attack at such a young age? Chill. Shopping is as inevitable as death.

I bet she thought a couple of days of retail therapy would be nice relaxation for you, to help you get over it! Just resign yourself to it. If she wants it, she'll buy it, and what's the harm if it makes her happy? It's only money. It only becomes a problem when they expect you to express an 'opinion'. Clearly, you're in trouble right from the start as it's not your opinion they want at all. I've never quite worked out just what it is you are supposed to say, but I've never got it right yet.

If it helps at all, tell her we've all seen the picture you posted last week and she clearly doesn't need any of that shit.

Actually, no. I'm sure that's on my growing list of things not to say when going shopping . . .