| Imported post
New Business Rules that come into effect immediately ........
To All
SICKNOTES
We will no longer accept a doctor's sicknote as proof of sickness. If you
are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need
all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired
you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They will be called
Saturday and Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees
to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is
necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We
will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and
subsequently leave one hour early, provided your days' tasks are completed.
ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as a reasonable excuse for absence. However, we
require at least two weeks notice as you are required to train your
replacement.
TOILET USE
Too much core working time is being spent in the toilets. In the future,
we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance:
All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20,
employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on.
If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to
wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies
employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers
supervisors must approve this in writing. In addition, there is now a strict
3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.
LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can
look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain
their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If
we see you wearing fancy trainers or designer clothing we will obviously
assume that you do not need a pay rise.
Thank you for your loyalty to the organisation. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation's or
input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a productive day,
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