 My Incident at Vobster
A thread was written about a rapid ascent at Vobster yesterday, well, for those who haven’t figured it out it was me.
I just wanted to post what happened.
Firstly, though, I’d like to say hi to Garf, David, Broady, Nic, Slip179 and most importantly Fiona! It was great to meet you all yesterday and I truly wish what happened hadn’t.
I mainly went to Vobster to test my new dry suit. It’s great. Got the hang of the shoulder dump almost immediately! Anyway, my buddy, Will, and I went in and literally just pootled around, going to about 18 metres. Before going in I’d bumped into Slip179 and his buddy, just wondered who out of the others there were the people we’d planned to say hi to!
We’d decided to do the tunnel later in the afternoon. So, off went the tanks for a fill and there sitting in the entrance to the fill room was a set of twins with the name “Garf” on them. By my powers of deduction I presumed the other YDers were there too so asked to be pointed in the direction of the owner of said twinset. I went over, introduced myself and we all chit-chatted for a while. Then along came Broady and his wife Nic. So all met and counted for! (It really is great meeting you fellow YDers!)
About 4.00pm Will and I decided to jump in for a 20 minute dive down the tunnel. It was dark and murky but I was fine in it. Then we carried on along the wall. I have NO idea what caused it, but I had a panic attack. HUGE panic attack. I signed to Will I was in distress, and tried to calm myself down by deep breathing and closing my eyes but it was too late. I had to get out. We were at 18 metres. We hit the surface after 40 seconds with no 5 metre safety stop.
Will signaled for the boat to come over and I was unceremoniously stripped of my attire and thrown into the boat. When we got to shore, David, ever the true gentlemen, almost carried me into the shop (trust me, that’s no mean feat!!!!) where both Will and I were give 100% oxygen for about half an hour all in all.
Tim from Vobster (who was great, I hasten to add) called the Poole Dive chamber, ran through our profile with the Doc, who basically said we “should” be ok, because we were only slightly out of recommended safety limits and basically we were alive when we hit the surface.
And before anything is said, Will is an instructor. Normally we’d do the deeper dive first, but because I was there testing my suit we had to do the shallower dive first. During the ascent, I didn’t realise but Will had hold of my BCD and was actually slowing me down. Thanks Will, who knows what could’ve happened if you hadn’t done that.
That’s the facts, from my perspective. And now I come to the tricky part. The emotional damage that’s been done. For those who know me I really don’t like put anyone out, ever, and the thought of putting someone else in danger mortifies me. I would never hurt anyone intentionally. So to put my favourite buddy through that I feel ashamed.
As for the panic attack. It’s freaked me. Really freaked me. And I’m so, so confused right now. All my life I’ve been a water baby. Because of my dodgy knees, which started when I was about 7, I’ve always preferred swimming and diving (not scuba!). Watching Jacques Cousteau on TV as a kid I used to dream I was with him down there. But dream is all I did. Then two years ago the opportunity arose for me to learn so I took it. It literally changed my life. I’d actually found something I was good at and enjoyed. Enjoy? That’s not the right word. It’s a passion. So deep inside me that I smile just thinking about being under the water. And when I can’t dive, reading YD and chatting with you lot reminds me of how I feel when I’m down there, under the water.
Then this happens. And now I’m scared. I’m scared I won’t be able to get my confidence back. I’m scared it’s going to happen again. I’m scared I’m going to lose the one thing that makes me truly happy. It took me 38 years to find scuba and now I’m unsure if I can carry on with it. I’ve cried a lot since I got home last night. And am shaking and crying now writing this.
I know the logical thing to do would be to go to the pool and get we again in a safe environment, and start from the beginning. Also, I’ve a dive planned with PV for my birthday on 12 June. Admittedly it’s only in 6 metres at Swanage Pier, but I don’t want Vonny to be worried about me. I want my buddy to enjoy being with me as much as I enjoy being with them.
Anyway, that’s the story, and now I’ve got to figure it out and work it through. And I’m sure you lot will be able to help, either way.
On a final note, but most importantly, I want to thank Will, my buddy, Tim, at Vobster, and all the YDers there who supported me. You were all great. (And David, I don’t mind that you posted it, honest!) As well as thanks, I want to say that I’m so sorry to Will and Tim for putting you through it.
Thanks for reading this. |