As Bully is incapable of anything other than monosyllabic grunts and breaking wind before 07.30 it was decided that we should load the Global warmer bus with our gear Friday night and I would pick everyone up at ''what the fcuk o clock'' to be at Amlwch for 8am. I left home at 3.30 to pick up Bully, Mick and Jon ''brown treacle pants'' F
A relatively easy journey down there only spoiled by the horizontal rain arriving an hour earlier than Bully said it would. On arriving at the harbour we met Steve, Mark, Yaz, Derrick, ScubaGay and his smoke screen Mary, by the time we had loaded the gear we were soaked to the skin and freezing.
A comfortable ride out saw us arrive at the wreck site at Molefre and Terry and Elfyn secured Julie-Ann over the site. The banter was top notch as usual in particular with Jason failing to quash rumours of his rampant faggotry by paying a student obviously from warmer climes to be his pretend girlfriend
After a brief we took it in turns to use the airlift and sift through the sand and pebbles, it was harder than I expected to lug the pipe around but it is a fantastic tool, our first dive was an hour and unfortunately yielded no gold. Due to suit squeeze and an optical illusion, some cruel and negative vibe merchant christened me the wok bellied diving Buddha
The day went in a similar vein with the addition of brews, bacon/spam sandwiches, banter and horizontal rain. The highlight being Steve falling into the hold as he was distracted by flapjack
Around 4pm the compressor packed up and everyone was quite relived as it appeared we would be returning early……..not so as Elfyn set up the spare
various pieces of pottery, glass, brass and copper made it onto the trophy table but no gold although many pieces of gold coloured rock and shells caused a few false starts.
Back into harbour around 9pm and knackered, wet, hungry, thirsty we set off for Johns caravan. While waiting for our meal from the chippy Yaz made for me, the quote of the evening by announcing in a Barbara Windsor stylee ''Steve would you mind putting your cock away please''
unfortunately my jockey shorts had parted slightly exposing a small portion of little Steve
luckily a dead bird never falls out of the nest so all were safe.
Food, banter, beer, tall tales, gay gin and rum were followed by me creating havoc by using the shower for it’s true purpose rather than a suit store, then off to bed.
It was a scene from hell with giggling, far to much hairy man-flesh, flatulence, more giggling, snoring, bad backs, provocatively rounded people too wide for the bed and smelly wet under suits.
Sunday morning came, and being clever I had brought a load of microwave breakfast cobs but unfortunately there was no microwave, so makeshift frying and grilling ensued and bolstered by a lull in the Welsh monsoon season we set off for the boat.
We saw a pod of Dolphins on our journey out and as the mooring lines and hoses were already there we got down to lifting much earlier and with expectations high we all set to work, the sun came out and started to make the deck a toasty place to be for everyone except smoke screen who still shivered
More false starts, copper rings, brass, glass, a silver handle from a razor, a pencil, an ornate button, an old shilling and a penny came out, along with ''test coins'' but no gold until the B team of myself and Bully went in and a gold hook or clasp came up, we didn’t see it but luckily the sift crew did.
We surfaced to find jellyfish tentacles everywhere and unfortunately I was stung across the cheeks and worryingly everyone offered to piss on me
luckily Elfyn has loads of vinegar on board so I made do with that much to Jason’s chagrin.
The boat then became a party boat with people bombing from the roof and swimming/avoiding the jellies, on our journey back to port the monsoon season also returned and as a result I missed a few people to say fare thee well.
All in all it was a fantastic weekend and I would certainly recommend the experience to anyone.
Thanks to Elfyn and Terry, always a pleasure to dive with you, and thanks to everyone else for making the weekend a laugh riot, Good to catch up with the old faces again and to meet Yaz, Mary and Steve.
Happy hunting for the next lift.
Safe diving,
Steve
P.S. here is the flapjack recipe, and sorry I work in old money
8 oz butter or margarine [I use Clover]
2 tablespoons Golden syrup
8 oz sugar
4 oz oats
4 oz self raising flour
6 oz crushed Crunchy nut cornflakes
Melt the Clover and syrup, then mix the other ingredients in a bowl. Add the syrup mixture to it and mix well.
Put the mixture evenly in a 10 by 8 by 1 inch well greased baking tray and cook for 30 mins approx at 160 deg
Remove from oven then gently firm down with a spatula and leave to cool, cut it into pieces and remove from tray.