[trakrat]

right it goes like this
i'm an engineering supervisor on the railways
so i turns up for work last night to find my site office has been invaded by the
sucurity firm employed by networkrail to patrol the area
well i thought "bit of a cheek , bang goes sleeping ,get the laptop out"
so i'm sat here listening to these numpties barking order over the radio
now because the local smack deal has realised that copper is worth a fortune all the local junkies have started cutting the cables on track and weighing it in for a tenner rap of smack
now these guys are all fired up you would think the was a war going on
there barking orders "F.O.B" this "PAK on route this" state your location " and trying to speak use the phonetic alphbet
so my mate on site with me and we're having a bit of fun with em
"well they're easy meat"
so i'm sat up here on my radio having a boll##ks conversation with my mate giving all instuction phonetically but making it up as we go
so far the NWR commandos believe the phonetic alphabet goes like this

A-ALPHA
B-BRAVA
C-CHARLES
D-DELTA
E- ELEVATOR
F- FOXBOX
G-GOOGLE
H- HAPPY
I-INDEIGO
J-JONNY
K-KELLY
L-LARMA
M-MIKEY
O-OSPREY
P-PETE
Q-QUALA (as in koala)
R-ROMEO
S-SAHARA
T-TANGO
U-UGANDA
V-VIOLET
W-WATER
X- EXTRA
Z-ZULU
but i just had to post this little conversation i've just heard it goes like this
NWR comando hid in a bush somewhere "seven to zero contact contact contact"
NWR comando HQ " go a head seven state your message ,zero over"
NWCiab " yeah zero i fink we ave em,over"
HQ"how many seven,over"
bet you can guess what came next
NWRCiab" no zero only 2 possibles,over"
HQ "state your exact location seven, over"
NWRCiab "about two miles west of DELTA OSPREY PETER,over"
HQ" MOBILE ON ROUTE ETA 5min 5 PAK, keep your present location DO NOT APPROACH CONTACT TILL 5 PAK ARRIVE,over"

right thats it all hell breaks loose
barking orders this guy sends 5 men(PAK so now i get it "packages" i just thought he was some sort of neo nazi) off in a pickup

HQ "MOBILE 4 are you receiving zero over"
M4 "mobile 4 receiving over"

get this

HQ" are you on route,zero over"

this guy just watched them f##king leave

HQ "seven MOBILE 4 PAK ellovator tango alpha 2 min out"

so i get a bit currious and gets him to show me on the map where this is
turns out its in my worksite and i know who it is " but i'm not going to let him know and if he'd just asked me have you got any working down there i'd of told him but he didn't ask and this was getting interesting!
about 20 min earlier i had a Network rail guy sign in with me to go out inspecting
that bit of track
so it continues

m4 "mobile 4 arrived at taget zone with seven,over" this guy is that out off breath he sounds like a assmatic rapist!
HQ " approach contact GO GO GO zero out"

2 min pass no radio contact

HQ "MOBILE4 REPORT,over"
m4" reached target 2 i repeat 2 suspects,OVER"

i hear in the back ground "what the f### run"
so i think oops
and tell the numpty in charge who they are but this comes over the radio first

m4 "CONTACT TRYING TO ESCAPE MOBILE 4 IN HOT PERSUIT OVER"

so the lads were running for there lives from 6 f##king idiots dressed in black combats

HQ "CEASE CONTACT I REPEAT CEASE CONTACT ARE THESE SUSPECT DRESS IN ORANGE HIGH VIS over"
m4 " YES zero 2 suspects in hi vis over"
HQ "OH SH## SH## SH## well you had better appollergise but check there ID BUT FOR F##K SAKE BE POLITE"

well it brightened up my night of boredom