Quote:
| Originally Posted by angleseydiver What I was going to do was try to garner opinion on whether I'm a heartless b*stard or a realist in matters of tending graves vs getting on with life. |
It's down to an individual to decide and I personally don't think anyone should judge another for either tending a grave/memorial or alternatively NOT looking after theirs.
For the first year after Mum and my daughter died (their ashes share the same "grave because we wanted Mum to look after her, if that makes sense?) I religiously went to the grave every weekend without fail. And it became compulsive. Then one day I realised it wasn't their home. They're with us, in our hearts and memories, and I now only go once or twice a year, and not on anniversaries. I go when I need peace and to talk to Mum. Do I feel guilty, when I see the grave next to Mum of a little girl who died the same year from meningitis is completely perfect and clearly tended regularly? A little, but not enough to make me go there once a week. I personally don't need to keep it neat to remember her. I remember her/them every day and still do 14 years.
It is each to his own and we all find our own way that suits us.