Porg the Borg (well not quite)

[Helen F H]

Well, the burning question is how did it go? The answer – different.

A vertical learning curve throughout the weekend, emotions ranging from “yeah woo yeah woo” to “pass me a knife I want to end it all now”.

The Cape is cold, and I mean COLD. Two one hour dives in 6 degree water, one with a soggy undersuit and mask removal just aint fun. The swimming pool bit in the middle just makes you even more tired, but at least a little warmer.

Dave Willo, you are owed about 20 pints mate. The idea of a team being more than just the guys in the water really does work. I can’t imagine many other organisations where if you had a reg failure you could send someone to the shop to borrow one and they would come back with exactly the right thing. But more of that later.

GUE training is very different to any other training, but then I knew that already. The main differences to me are that you are told which way to configure your kit which no other agency does to this degree (although there are the obvious things such as you must have an alternative air source etc in all other agencies, they certainly do not specify that it has to be on a hose this long and positioned here).

The other issue is with the in water training, which is that all your skills are done neutrally buoyant. This means no kneeling on the bottom to do everything such as mask clearing, air share drills etc. Easy? Try it when your gear has just been changed about and you are in 8m of water where buoyancy is hardest to control.
Thinking about it, it is like learning to ride a mountain bike over a cross country course, but then some bugger makes you do it on a unicycle. You know you have the skills you need to do it, indeed you obviously have them otherwise you wouldn’t be able to ride the bike at all (coordination, balance etc), but since things have been changed about (ie you lost a wheel) it is inherently more difficult, you fall off, go off course etc.

Friday night.

Theory session – 7pm until late. This covered the basics, finning, trim with a great power point slide show and video showing the fin strokes. All very nice looking, blue water shots with sexy looking guys in wetsuits – obviously not filmed in the Cape in January! Then it was the obligatory “lets lie on a table and look like a plonker” to try the fin kicks out. Much nicer than Stoney Carpark! This was very helpful, even if you do feel a bit daft. The resounding thing from a lot of the training was building muscle memory, and that is what this does.

Saturday.

Ok, the morning is taken up with theory and dry practice again, and there is plenty of it. Some of it you will know, but some you will not know, or there are differences. We sorted out our harnesses – making them single piece, shifting D rings, adjusting straps. All of the bits are moved to the sensible places – such as the shoulder D’s are in just the right place, which never seems like it until you need them, then you know they are in the right place. This was all done with our drybags on, so sweating like a sweaty thing. The Cape really comes into its own here, with a balcony for us to use so we could do this bit outside. Then we cable tied our regs to our backplates and had a play with the hose routings, getting used to where the various bits and bobs went, and then running through the drills of reg swaps, modified S drills and S drills. This was good too, as this was all very new to me. We then assembled our kit and practiced the drills again. I would have been very unsure using it in the water for the first time without having a play first.
Rich had trimix in his tinnies, which made him sound worryingly like Chris Barrie (aka Gordon Britass)
Onto the wet part. I was using a 55lb Halcyon wing, which turned out was not a good idea (ended up using Riches smaller one for the rest of the weekend). I cannot physically reach the bottom dump to get the air out, so this first excursion in Crappers was…..interesting. You know you get those dives where your buoyancy is never right, you are neutrally buoyant for about 10 seconds of the dive, all other times either going up or down, well this was one of them. A bit of a shock, as the last time I was this piss poor in the water was probably my first ever wing dives a couple of years ago, and even then, I wasn’t this bad. The gear was slopping about all over the place, as I seemed to have managed to change shape and shrink from the fitting of the backplate and harness to getting in the water, so out we went and tried again. At this point I was ready to quit, feeling pretty shitty and very aware of the fact that this was causing a major pain in the arse. 20-30 minutes later, we are back in again, and pootle off down to the bottom corner past the horses and the little boat. Buoyancy is still not good, but better than before. I find it hard to frog kick and keep balanced, and throughout the weekend I seem to be very head heavy, nose-diving with my legs in the air at every given opportunity, we are slow to get to the corner too, as I am really concentrating on finning correctly, which certainly isn’t quick. Rich laid out a triangular course with a line which was really useful as it gave a visual reference as to where we were. We did our finstrokes (frog, modified frog and modified flutter) around this course having a play with trim etc or in my case, just desperately trying to go forward. First drills are a bit of a disaster, with hoses knotted, buoyancy to pot and kicking up more shite than your average novice class! Also found out why it is a good idea to have standard hose lengths – I forgot to clip the contents gauge off, so spent the whole dive trying to feel for it – it was caught behind the wing due to its length. So things can only get better at this point.
Out of the water and I manage to fall over on the slip way, yes it hurt, yes the ego was wounded probably more than me but I managed not to snap my wrists so that was a good thing. I'm sure some evil git will have taken pictures which will end up on here at some point.

Video de-brief of this dive was useful, indeed you can see exactly what you are doing wrong and why. There is no use saying “well I don’t think I do drop my knees” because you are there in full technicolour glory humping the dog. Feeling quite low at this point, having suddenly found that I am even shittier than I thought possible. Christ, at least I used to be able to manage neutral buoyancy and finning at a decent rate. Head fizzing with thoughts of kit, fin strokes and what my credit card bill will be once I have finished the weekend.
More theory in the evening and then off to the pub for a cracking meal in the Eagles Nest with Dave Willo and some more of the DIR boys.

Sunday.

The plan was to get in early, indeed I was the first person to get their feet wet in the water that day. However, when we got into about 2m of water my backup reg started to freeflow. Alex had a valiant effort to sort it out in the time honoured way (hit it to see if it stops), but nope, it didn’t want to play. This was a major bummer, as it meant a 25 minute delay to get it sorted out. Dave Willo ran up to the shop and borrowed me a new set. Impressed guys. How many other kit configurations can you break something and any other member of the team know exactly what you need, go to the shop and get it? Not many. I have never dived with Dave, and yet he knew exactly what to get.
We try again, and pootle off back to our nice allegedly quiet corner and try again with the basic drills – air share (known as the S drill), valve drills which I cant do due to once I am in my suit, I am not flexible to manage it. Need to sort this out, work out if it is the undersuit rucking in my elbows or the drybag itself restricting the movement. I can see the improvement in our drills, they are getting better the more we practice it. It is becoming easier to stay together too, with me having to concentrate on finning techniques less and the buoyancy slowly getting better (but not by much) I still find it hard to use the bottom dump on the wing, and end up using the hose dump which isn’t what I should be doing. We do backwards finning, which I can sort of do, but needs loads of practice. It all turns to ratshit when I think about it too much. Helicopter turns are not impossible, but by no means good or effective. Again practice is needed.
But at least I know I'm doing it wrong (or maybe not as good as I could do), and I can improve on that. We still get told off lots for not being side by side all of the time, but its getting better.

Out of the water, slog up that hill, up the stairs into the shop and drop the kit off for a fill. Into the classroom for another video de-brief, stunt fish doing the “I'm a lovely fishie film me instead of these boring divers” making it hard to see us at times, but again really useful, with us providing our own feedback on what we have done wrong and how to get it right next time. I'm feeling the cold this dive, and the reason becomes apparent when I take the drysuit off – I'm soaked head to toe. I'm still shivering an hour later, but not too bad.

Off to the pool where we both did our swims. I struggled on the breath hold swim, which surprised me, considering I used to do loads of mucking about in the pool with kids setting them duck dive courses etc, I was surprised how hard it was. Alex managed it easily, and I am very envious.

Back to the Cape for a bite to eat and then another dive. This was the cruel git dive. My buoyancy has come on loads now, not up and down like a whores drawers on a Friday night. First it was S drills and valve drills. S drills coming on leaps and bounds, was quite slick, no loss of buoyancy due to the huge breath in before the reg swaps etc which had been the cause of many of the earlier problems. Then onto valve drills. Due to a minor oversight by Alex, he manages to end up with no air, and has two regs shoved in his face, as Rich had spotted he hadn’t turned on his right post and I had missed it. I’m quite pleased to say mine was very close behind Riches, and I deployed it correctly so obviously something went in to my brain at some point. Alex took my reg as he had done the OOA signal to me and was looking at me, got himself sorted and we carried on. Now for the basic 5 – Remove and refit reg. Swap reg. Mask flood and mask removal and refit and modified S drill (as in you offer the reg on the long hose but no-one takes it).

This is the basic 5 dive, mask flood and empty, mask remove and re-fit. Now consider its 6 degrees in there. Mask flood and clear and removal and re-fit is pure evil. But I'm glad to say Rich demonstrated it for us, so GUE have got a sense of humour. I think the little bubbles sent up when I did mine would pop on the surface with *bastard* *bollocks* *bastard*. Ice cream headaches are nasty, and I am in no hurry for another. Some nice helpful person cut the line on our course too, but fortunately it was right at the end.

Out of the water and back up for a debrief, we seemed to be the first ones in in the morning, and the last ones out in the evening. Final bits of theory, and a personal de-brief. I need some new regs, as the ones I have are less than adequate. They are my priority. I need to practice everything. Lots. I need to get a smaller wing, as the 55lb is no use to me – I am physically to short and inflexible to reach the back dump.

My thoughts on the course.

DIR to the casual observer can seem very anal. The standard gear seems to be the overriding thing that shines out to people. But when you look a bit deeper, it is only one of the tools for the job. And the reason it is standardised means that gear is available for the team. The team is the most important thing about DIR, not the kit. There are reasons behind every bit of DIR theory and kit configuration. It is not something that has just been plucked out of the air. There are things which make so much sense I have no idea why the other agencies do not teach them (such as rock bottom – the amount of gas you need to get yourself and your buddy home with a safe ascent from your max depth). Looking slick and cool (rule 6) isn’t just for fun. If something looks good in the water, it probably is good! No dangly bits is a good example – they look bad. Why are they bad? They are an entanglement hazard. Things clipped off – they are exactly where you left them – you know where they are.

Am I a DIR diver? No. Not yet. Is it something I want to be? Yes, probably it is. But it is going to be a long slow process, I'm in no hurry, the sea will still be there, it ain’t going anywhere.

If you are going on this course you have to be open minded as to your kit and diving style “I do it this way” will not wash if it is not DIR. If you cannot take being told that “for the next 4 dives you will be asked to dive like this” this is not the course for you. I can see some people having a major hissy fit with their ego not being padded enough, being shown that there is a different way, which is quite possibly better than the way they were doing it.

Be prepared to be knocked flat on your arse and slowly built back up.

Be prepared to forget a lot of what you have been taught and re-learn it a different way.

If you don’t like what you have been told, then go back to the way you were. But I can guarantee there will be bits of what you have learned you will now use in your normal diving.

Now the people who have done the course will be saying “hang on, where did dive 4 go?” and the answer is, my screw ups ate it. So unfortunately we have to go back and do dive 4, and it would probably be a good idea to do dive 3 again too. Alex, I am really really sorry.





The Cape has improved 100% since i was last here - fantastic. Friendly staff, great facilities and Murphy the dog is still around. The B&B I stayed in was really nice too, with a very comfortable room, private parking and good prices. It is called Dale Grove and is about 5 minutes from Tesco's in Carnforth itself 01524 733382.

[And]

Well done Helen. Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself.

Davey Willo, always there to help. I'm starting to think he's a bit of a DIRF groupie

Andy

[Foggy]

Thanks for that report. It is good to get an honest and full write up....... I'm not sure whether it inspires me to follow in your footsteps or ... reside in my own comfort zone?

Lots of respect

Paul

[SCUBA Chick]

Great report Helen....sounds like you had a whole lotta fun

Scubachick

[divegyrl]

Excellent write-up Helen,

A honest assesment of the course, and well done on being able to look at what you did and be brutally honest about your skills.
I have no doubt that practice, practice, practice is what you plan to do and I'm sure that Dive 4 will show that!

Congrats for having the courage to get out there & do it! you are a for posting!

Blanaid

[tom]

Excellent report, and congratulations for having the courage to step outside the comfort zone (to paraphrase Foggy), and to tell us all about it.

PS 6c water? You big girls blouse! we were doing mask replacement in 4c yesterday!
PPS and I cried like a baby afterwards

[Louby Lou]

Great & honest report...

You are a brave bunny... Stick with it bird

Lou
x

[Narked@50]

Good report Helen,

I'm glad you enjoyed it and also found it thought provoking. Sounds tough, and I'm glad I didn't go on it in January, but seems like you were open minded and learnt a lot. Well done.

James

[Rick Huggins]

Well done Helen, truthfull report mate.

If it were easy there would be no need to take the course; I'm glad you dug deep and carried on!

[andy b]

Excellent report Helen, thanks for posting.

andy