DIR - Keeping it real... ;)

[David Parker]

Someone sent me this, couldn't help but laugh, is it true...... & if you have seen it before its tough.

On DIR and Other Religious Subjects

Warning: Politically Incorrect

I converted to DIR ( "Doing It Right" ) about 6 months ago and I have found
that the philosophy extends way beyond diving. I think most people tend to
view DIR as a gear configuration or diving objective type of thing but it
really is a philosophy that you can use in other parts of your life. For
instance, below are just some of the ways I've extended the DIR way of doing
things into other areas of my life.

Last week some of my buddies came over to my house. Now, not all of them are
divers but they do understand the DIR philosophy. So, first off, we all
drink the same beer. This avoids any situations where you might be enjoying
a lager and accidentally pick up an ale ( or the other way around. ) That
can be very uncool. That could quickly lead to a panic situation so we avoid
it all together. We also drink only from cans, not bottles. And we never put
the beer in the refrigerator. It always goes in the ice chest in my living
room. 47% of Drinking Related Incidents ( DRI ) occur when someone is going
to the fridge for another beer, so better to be safe than sorry. Of course,
this is all rigged up while we're still 100% sober so there's no impaired
judgment once things get cooking.

All of us wear a bungee necklace with a full beer on it just in case someone
experiences an Out Of Beer ( OOB ) emergency. I can offer my already opened
beer to my buddy and simply reach down and grab the backup off my beer
necklace. And, without exception, we always use the 7-foot hose on the beer
bong.

Of course, we don't stay in every night, so when we do decide to go out we
make sure we're still DIR. All of us wear exactly the same clothing:


* Levi's 501 Jeans, black ( button hole, straight leg )
* Gap Black T-shirt
* Haynes boxer shorts, black
* Gold Toe socks, black
* Kenneth Cole shoes, Brad Bitt style
* G-Shock watch, black band
* Nylon belt, black, with military buckle
* Black Leather Jacket ( optional, depending on weather conditions )

This may sound a bit silly or overdone but believe me, when you're
penetrating a night club, knowing exactly what you buddies are dressed like
can make all the difference in the world if you're hoping to snag some
hottie. Let's say I see some cutie and just before I get up to go talk to
her a waitress spills a drink in my lap? No problem, because I can always
swap pants with my buddy. I don't have to worry if they match, because I
know he's wearing Levi's 501's. Bam! Swap pants and I can still complete my
objective.

One thing to keep in mind about nightclubs is that you seldom want to
penetrate a club on beer. I know, some of the macho jerks do this and brag
to all of their buddies. Believe me, it's not DIR. You have to do it on
mixed drinks. Obviously the mix will be different on different nights but a
good vodka tonic mix is pretty standard. Again, there's a right way and a
wrong way to do this. You can't just order any old vodka or depend on some
bartender to get the mix right. That's what the strokes do. No, you order
Stoli vodka, which has an excellent reputation in the DIR partying
community. The correct blend is 2oz Stoli with tonic water poured over ice
in a highball glass ( lemon or lime optional. ) I always bring a testing kit
with me and if the blend is off, I send it back. It's just not worth the
risk and it's not DIR.

So you penetrate the nightclub and you've got a good mix, now it's time to
meet the ladies. I should have said this earlier but watch your drink
consumption. It's a well-known fact that women look 25% - 30% better in a
nightclub and if you get all narced up on vodka tonic, it increases your
chances of a coyote ugly blackout. You have to keep your wits about you.

If it's early, you probably have pretty good viz. Later in the evening when
the smoke silts up the room it'll be harder to make out the women on the
other side of the club so get your headings early. On a few occasions I've
had to bust out the wreck reel just to get to the bathroom and back.

So, as you can see from these pretty basic examples, DIR is not just for
diving - it's something you can use in all areas of your life!

Keep it real.

[Diving Dude]

l'm afraid it's an old one, but still funny.

The Goooooeeeeeeee mob will be along soon to 'team' slap you.

[Diving Dude]

Originally Posted by David Parker

Keep it real.

Shouln't that be Keep it real ale?

[Howard Payne]

Veh old, veh funny, needs the word "mission" in there a bit more I think, consider yourself slapped (with a black Halcyon leather glove, delrin clasp £800 per pair naturally)

[fatone]

Excellent, but i fear your snorkle will be snapped over your knee, and you will be banished to the dark side for such blasfamy.

[And]

[David Parker]

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Allright I sent you to sleep. as much as having a dig I do respect the DIR ways... & am after a pair of those black Halcyon leather gloves, delrin clasp £800 per pair

Rgds
Dave

[kinetic]

LOL...I did enjoy that....as was siad, an old one but funny, especially after my recent experience, which isn't so funny, more nutteresque...

After some enquiries about a TDI trimix course in Bonaire (I live in Curacao) I got an email from a GUE instructor saying I should do this weird course...weird, because he hadn't prepared himself for the email, he went in blind and got himself into all sorts of trouble by suggesting a whole host of courses I had already done and had noted in my email.

DANGER sign...

...then, in following emails, after I pointed out he had neglected to notice my comments he went on to slag off every single qualifaction I had..BSAC, PADI DM, NACD, TDI....ok....

I then dropped the bomb...chuckle, I smoke...

He then went on to say I would die very quickly in a nasty diving accident next week...that was 2 months ago...I was gob smacked....I said that I liked his attitude and I would stop smoking in 3 weeks....

Anyway..as they say...nowt as queer as DIR/GUE folk....or is it just folk...dunno...

Cheese

[kinetic]

Dave Parker...please send me the specs and website....

Kinell

[Lou]

Originally Posted by kinetic

Anyway..as they say...nowt as queer as DIR/GUE folk....or is it just folk...dunno...

Erm...I reckon you just proved it is folk in general.

Who was this mysterious instructor then? Noting, of course that none of your other courses would count for a pip with GUE, everyone has to start at the bottom with them, so it doesn't sound that odd to me.

As for smoking, well, 2 weeks, 20 years....all the same