Schizophrenia and diving a case for Dr Frosty

[PeeBee]

Dear Doctor Frosty
I've noticed a sad decline in the health of one (possibly two) of our members. He seems to be acting very strangely and can't make up his mind if he's a well 'ard Salty Dog or a wimpy puddle diver, He seems confused about his name and for a long time hasn't known what day of the week it is. I've also noticed that as he gets older he complains of flashing lights in front of his eyes, thinks he's diving in a disco and is developing a seriously limp handshake. Can you or any other members of our fraternity suggest either a remedy, a diagnosis or even advise on whether he should be allowed to travel, come to that, should he even be allowed out alone?
Yours very concerned
PeeBee

[frosty the snowman]

Hmmm...sounds like a case of phallocephalus. Other symptoms include a desire to sell lucky heather and a compulsion to cover peoples driveways in poor quality tarmac. Clearly the cause of this is immersion in non saline locations. High pressure salt water enemas, prolonged inhalation of diesel fumes whilst being rocked violently from side to side and the topical aplication of seagul excrement should help.

[Scuttler]

Originally Posted by frosty the snowman

prolonged inhalation of diesel fumes whilst being rocked violently from side to side

I can only say that driving what he drives and assuming he has done his own drive......he probably receives this part of his medication already.