Bad elbow...

[Ratbag]

Bad Elbow

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I think
I'll go and see the Doctor!" His friend immediately replied, "Don't do
that. There's a new computer at Boots (the Chemist) that can diagnose
anything
quicker and cheaper than your doctor. All you do is put in a sample of your
piss and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do."

Pete, figuring that he had nothing to lose, filled a jar with urine, went
to Boots where he found the computer and deposited his sample and the
computer started making a few noises and some lights started to flash.
After a brief pause, out popped a small piece of paper which read:
YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW, SOAK YOUR ARM IN WATER THREE TIMES A DAY FOR AN
HOUR. AVOID HEAVY WORK. YOUR ELBOW WILL GET BETTER IN TWO WEEKS.

That evening while thinking about how amazing this new technology was and
how it could change the world of medicine forever, he began to wonder if
the computer could be fooled. He decided to try. He mixed together some
tap
water, engine oil from his car, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and, at the last minute, masturbated into the
concoction.

He went back to Boots, deposited the sample and paid his money. After the
noises and lights, out popped a piece of paper which read:
YOUR TAP WATER IS HARD, GET A SOFTENER. THE VALVES ON YOUR ENGINE ARE
F*CKED,GET IT TO A GARAGE. YOUR DOG HAS WORMS, GET HIM TO A VET. YOUR
DAUGHTER IS HOOKED ON COCAINE, GET HER TO REHAB. YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT
WITH TWINS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS, GET A LAWYER. AND IF YOU DON'T STOP
W@NKING, YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.