More lawyers....classic

[Ratbag]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now
published by court reporters -- who had the torment of
staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
________________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
______________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
________________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo or
the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
_________________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
_________________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?
__________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
__________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
________________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
_______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
____________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
___________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
__________________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
___________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an
autopsy.
__________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
__________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and
practicing law somewhere

[Ian B]

Brilliant, especially the brain in the jar.

[miketsp]

Originally Posted by Ratbag

..snip..
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and
practicing law somewhere

Effing brilliant.. ROFL