Security Threat Information

[intothebigblue]

From Friday Humour:

FURTHER INFO ON SECURITY THREAT

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, the
security level has just been raised from 'miffed' to "peeved'. Soon though,
the levels may be raised yet again to 'irritated' or even 'a bit cross'
Londoners have not been 'a bit cross' since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies
all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "tiresome" to "a bloody nuisance"
the last time a "a bloody nuisance" warning level was issued was during the
great fire in 1666.

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from 'RUN' to 'HIDE'. The only two higher levels in France
are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their
military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, the
Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly"
to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective
combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance"
to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels
"invade a neighbour" and "lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from
"isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the middle east ripe for
regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "attack the world"
and "beg the British for help".

Finally in GB they've gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of tea". Their higher levels are "remain resolutely cheerful" and "win".

Especially the Ashes!

[Mark Davies]

Started my day with a bloody good laugh! I'd green you but I can't - you've apparently amused me too much already.

[Alan]

1. Pissed
2. Very pissed
3. Oblivion
4. Mortal