T*t monday.

[Diving Dude]

Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now, that glorious daywhen, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the Tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been inmonths.

You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy.

For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girlsgetting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.

After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urbanlandscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your
eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road...

And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday.

Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much
above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared.

Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.
So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early.

There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses,

keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps
As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.

[dry suit diver]

excellent and tit monday surely approaches quickly.

[Jim Shaw]

lol, it's nice to see that someone is recording such details for future generations to use, I'll have to look in W H Smiths to see if Clintons do a "tit monday" card, : by the way is it Happy Tit Monday or merry Tit Monday??

[Lou]

Originally Posted by Diving Dude

You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

Ahhh, poor Dude, harking back to the days when this happened without his little blue helper

[BigG]

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING:
Tit Monday is a dangerous time. All of a sudden you may get attracted to the frumpiest girl in the office all because she is showing a previously hidden bit of flesh. Beware.

If you find yourself looking at "Mary the Tramp" in an unusual way, take a 2HB pencil, sharpen, then stick it in your leg. Normal service will soon be resumed.

[Diving Dude]

l did wonder what that sentence meant

[tom]

Originally Posted by Lou

...his little blue helper

[Lou]

Originally Posted by tom

Tom, I am concerned that you appear to link Smurfs with trouser-tenting. It isn't even that weird girl smurf!

[dry suit diver]

Originally Posted by Lou

Tom, I am concerned that you appear to link Smurfs with trouser-tenting. It isn't even that weird girl smurf!

oooh blondies gonna come after you lou

[tom]

Originally Posted by Lou

Tom, I am concerned that you appear to link Smurfs with trouser-tenting. It isn't even that weird girl smurf!

It most certainly is Smurfette, actually!

And you wouldn't believe some of the stuff I found online when looking for that image.