Out of the mouths of babes

[yazzyfooty]

I wa emailed this tonight and I have only just stopped chuckling. Its great to see such innocence still in the young.

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 7)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. ( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7) _

[pieater]

Some true ones, both from my daughter, (who is three )over the last 2 weeks:

1, Getting ready for bed, after visiting Costco.
Q: Dad?
A: Yes?
Q:erm. erm. er, who bought this house?
A: Well, me and mum did.
Q: Did you have a really big trolley?

2, Bed time. Alladin is the story. However Alladin is of secondary interest, as she wants to be princess jasmin when she grows up. Alladin is dressed in extravagant yellow turban, yellow flowing tunic etc.
Q: Dad?
A: Yes?
Q: Who's that?
A: That's Alladin.
Q: No, who's that?
A: That's Alladin.
Q: No, Alladin is a person. [splays hands and looks at me like I'm reaaaaly dense]
A: Honest, that's Alladin.
Q: Why is he dressed as a banana?

[yazzyfooty]

Aint kids just fantastic?

[louigi]

my lad is traveling in the back of his grandads estate car aged about 4. looks in the back to see his grandads dog lieing there curled up. and exclames "grandad your dogs just folded himself into a circle"!.

[Scubee]

When my son did his very first session in the pool, he sucked the cylinder almost dry (it was about an hour & a half). I got him out the pool and sent him off to get changed. Halfway to the changing room he stopped in his tracks, turned and looked at me with the most worried face i have ever seen on a 8 year old.

"Oh No, Mummy...... we forgot to do our deco"

[MarkP]

Friends' little girl in car being driven by her mum:

"Mummy, you're really lucky."
"Why's that, darling?"
"Because when daddy drives all the idiots are on the roads"

[uwila]

This happened to me 8 years ago. I was living with a very lovely lady (I shall call her J in here) and her kids, one of whom, C, was a 9 year old girl. J had one very small ecentricity - she was incredibly fastidious and would never share a glass, cup etc even with her own children.

J, C and I were in the pub garden on a lovely summer's day and I bought a round. Setting the drinks down, I was suddenly very thirsty and said,
"J, can I just have a little sip of your coke?" I picked the glass up, but J got quite cross, so I had to say sorry and put it back down. Just then little C piped up,

"Oh mummy, really! You've probably had his penis in your mouth!"

Funny how the entire pub went silent just in time to hear the whole thing. We had a very short afternoon out after that and conversation was strangely muted.

Cheers, Chris

[Allan Carr]

Overheard in a pet shop 'Look Mummy, a buggerigar'

[Dangerous Dan]

Originally Posted by uwila

Funny how the entire pub went silent just in time to hear the whole thing.

Yep that always seems to happen at the most innapropriate times

[frosty the snowman]

Now my daughter is a teenager I can embarass her with these.

When she was about six we were on the beach. An elderly man was walking his dog.
"That old person has a nice dog" she said. I asked her what might be a more polite way to describe the man and was met with a blank look.
"It begins with a 'g' "I prompted.
"Git" was the reply.

Also when she was younger, about four, we had my elderly grandmother around for christmas lunch. She was well into her nineties and a bit deaf. Grandma had bought my daughter a farm set for christmas and the delighted child started naming all the animals. "The cow's called Daisy, the Horse is called Dobbin" etc. "What's the little farm cat called"? asked grandma.
"He's called Vagina" was the reply.