New security levels

[Mark Griffith]

Subject: New security levels...




FRANCE
Following the recent terrorist events, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military.

In response to the French raising their alert level other European countries have responded in kind

ITALY
The Italians have increased their alert level from "Shouting Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing".

Two more levels remain, "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

GERMANY
The Germans have also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Full Dress Uniform and Marching Songs".

They have two higher levels, "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

USA
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "Isolationism" to "Find Somewhere Ripe for Regime Change".

Their remaining higher alert states are "Take on the World" and "Ask the British for Help".

GREAT BRITAIN
Finally, here in GB we've gone from "Pretend Nothing's Happening" to "Make Another Cup of Tea".

Our higher levels are "Chin Up and Remain Cheerful" and "Win".

The British are still feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and security threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."

Note to Readers : The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666
cheers
Mark

[Ding Dang Doo]

Still chuckling as I post this....

have a green blob, old chap!

(old, as in old chap, old boy as in british stiff upper lip and all that - not as in age - okay? )

Pete

[NotDeadYet]

Britain can't win any conflict until a replacement for the Queenmothergawdblesser is found to sing "When Father Papered the Parlour" in an undergound station in Camden to people with rickets. We may need to start importing people with rickets though.