Everyone else has been laughing at me so you lot might as well know

[resting rifleman]

Well, if you'd run up and down swanage beach for a couple of hours this afternoon all your vanity issues would have bronzed and toned away,
but dont despair, how about playing Patches, I'm depending on you son
as background muzak when the time comes for the best mans speech
mike.

[SilvaFish]

LOL!!!!!!!
You could always pretend to be one of them 'Marbella Babes' from off the telly!!! Get yersen some of that Aloe Vera gel from Holland and Barretts for the burnt bits and borrow your better half's facial/body scrub (the stuff with bits in for exfoliating) AFTER your skin heals (or else it hurts, loads) and hope that you can scrub off the tango look!

whiter than a nun's bum - classic!

have a green, or does it clash?

<snigger, chortle, chortle>

[Sparky]

Pure class. Hope you get your colour back or should I say lose the colour you've got!!! :op

[Juz]

Sounds like YD has it's very own DALE WINTON!

Juz

[Sparky750]

Keep it coming i've had it all bloody day glad i've managed to cheer people up with my tale of woe and pain Something to add to it too the i asked if i should be naked it the tardis thing she said yes so even the little general is burnt

[SilvaFish]

Originally Posted by Sparky750

Keep it coming i've had it all bloody day glad i've managed to cheer people up with my tale of woe and pain Something to add to it too the i asked if i should be naked it the tardis thing she said yes so even the little general is burnt

That's naughty - even the hospital when they give light treatment, get male patients to cover up their, ahem, little general with a paper g-stringy type thing.

Note for next time (if you're too tight for a holiday!) Go to nurse's workstation in dermatology and ask for a g-string. See what they say and post it here!

For a larf, like!

[Stesh]

You were lucky this time!


A couple of minutes more under the lamps, popcorn would instantly pop out your arse!

[resting rifleman]

I was gonna suggest posting a pic in the caption competition
but mention of the "little general" puts that off the menu.
mike.

[kath2407]

I demand photographic evidence!!!!!

He he he

K XX

[sean0801]

Originally Posted by Sparky750

As some people will know i'm off to mauritius in 3 weeks for my best mates wedding where i'm to be best man There are 18 people in total going at a recent meal most of the people going where sat around the table and i couldn't help but notice how tanned and toned everyone was. I was going to look a right cnut on the photos next to this lot and i admit it bothered me a bit (completely out of character for me) Now the toned bit nothing i can do in 3 weeks really and i haven't been on a summer holiday for 7 years so my skin is whiter than a nuns bum. I had the perfect idea sun bed cancer things so last night i plucked up the courage that i wouldn't look to gay walking into a tanning salon ( oh how wrong i was ) Explain my problem to the girl who laughs and shows me to a tardis stand up job where you hold handlebars in the air ( to avoid white bits apparently) she says 6 mins will do you me being stupid decided no need longer than that she refused to sell me any more than 9. After 9 mins thinking how stupid must i look and i hope there isn't a camera in here i get out feeling warm but fine. Sat at home 3 hours later my whole body feel sore and i mean fcuking sore my girlfriend thinks this is so funny as it's not like me to be vain in the slightest and the first time i am this happens Brings me to mistake number 2 i decide i'll have to buy some aftersun so off i pop to tesco at 10 pm looking for aftersun pretty blue bottle nivea aftersun written on it just the job. Back home i put gallons of it on doing my back myself because my girlfriend couldn't move for laughing. Only to wake up this morning with patches on my body and hands that make me look like i've been tangoed turns out this bloody aftersun has a self tan thingymajig built in it took me an 1hour of scrubbing in the shower to get the main off but you can still tell I have spent the whole day getting mercilessly ribbed by my mates, girlfriend and my dad it's a good job i have a thick skin (albeit a red with orange patches one) So anyone having a bad day think of me it should cheer you up.

This just has to be a made up story, 'cos fat boy sparky750 couldn't fit his lardy arse in a tardis

Only a marine could fcuk up so many times in one day