Everyone else has been laughing at me so you lot might as well know

[Sparky750]

As some people will know i'm off to mauritius in 3 weeks for my best mates wedding where i'm to be best man There are 18 people in total going at a recent meal most of the people going where sat around the table and i couldn't help but notice how tanned and toned everyone was. I was going to look a right cnut on the photos next to this lot and i admit it bothered me a bit (completely out of character for me) Now the toned bit nothing i can do in 3 weeks really and i haven't been on a summer holiday for 7 years so my skin is whiter than a nuns bum. I had the perfect idea sun bed cancer things so last night i plucked up the courage that i wouldn't look to gay walking into a tanning salon ( oh how wrong i was ) Explain my problem to the girl who laughs and shows me to a tardis stand up job where you hold handlebars in the air ( to avoid white bits apparently) she says 6 mins will do you me being stupid decided no need longer than that she refused to sell me any more than 9. After 9 mins thinking how stupid must i look and i hope there isn't a camera in here i get out feeling warm but fine. Sat at home 3 hours later my whole body feel sore and i mean fcuking sore my girlfriend thinks this is so funny as it's not like me to be vain in the slightest and the first time i am this happens Brings me to mistake number 2 i decide i'll have to buy some aftersun so off i pop to tesco at 10 pm looking for aftersun pretty blue bottle nivea aftersun written on it just the job. Back home i put gallons of it on doing my back myself because my girlfriend couldn't move for laughing. Only to wake up this morning with patches on my body and hands that make me look like i've been tangoed turns out this bloody aftersun has a self tan thingymajig built in it took me an 1hour of scrubbing in the shower to get the main off but you can still tell I have spent the whole day getting mercilessly ribbed by my mates, girlfriend and my dad it's a good job i have a thick skin (albeit a red with orange patches one) So anyone having a bad day think of me it should cheer you up.

[warmwaterdiver]

knob

Graham will piss himself laughing

[Paul Oliver]

Quality

[milldog]

RATFLMAO

well having just come back from the loo as i nearly wet myself laughing

Tw4t proof you dont have to read to be a marine

thanks mate

[Dan Wilko]

classic!

[gwilson]

Thats class if i knew you id call you a tw@t but i dont so im just gonna carry on laughing sorry.

[Scubee]

Ooops!
why do blokes always think they know better????

TBH, you would probably have been better off getting some Johnsons Holiday Skin. Makes your skin all soft, moisturises it, and gives it a bit of colour at the same time.

It works best on hairless skin, but you can get waxing kits at most supermarkets. Try Oz, (or it might be Aus) which is quite good, but you need to be somewhere cool for it to work without hurting too much. This would be excellent for the bikini line (I am sure your girlfriend would help) .

they also do smaller sizes for facial hair.

[ratcliffe]

Another stunningly brilliant example of why us blokes are just sooooo superior when it comes to ignoring advice from the people in the places that actually know what they are talking about
Nice one for admitting it, its given me a good chortle tonight!

[ratcliffe]

Originally Posted by Scubee

they also do smaller sizes for facial hair.

Bloody Hell, that would be me in trouble then!

[yazzyfooty]

You were just jealous of scouser women and that lovely orange coloured face they seem to like and felt you needed to join them.

Tis a shame one can only give a green or a red....................I'd like to give you an ORANGE !! lol