Carrot jokes required

[purple vonny]

Originally Posted by DanE

I know a joke about a bit of string, if that is of any use?

Frayed knot Dan.

[purple vonny]

What's orange and good with words and numbers?

Carrot Vordeman.

I made that one up.

[Neil M]

Originally Posted by purple vonny

What's orange and good with words and numbers?

Carrot Vordeman.

I made that one up.

it shows

[DanE]

Originally Posted by purple vonny

Frayed knot Dan.

Damnit.

dan

[SilvaFish]

What's the par for the 18-hole golf course owned by Sir Carrot?

24 of course!

[teddybeardiver]

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a turnip in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

Q - What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?
A - It's been nice gnawing you.

[teddybeardiver]

Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.

The problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

Q: How is golf like taxes?
A: You drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole.

$$$

Three seniors were out golfing "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one said.
"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them" said the second senior.
After hearing enough from his buddies, the third senior said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"

$$$

Carl goes out golfing with his boss Lyle to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellently and at a fast pace, they are often held up by two women in front of them chatting and searching for hook shots execissively. Joe goes to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. But once he gets about half the way to them, he stops and hurries back to where his boss Lyle is waiting.

Lyle asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," said Carl. Lyle just shook his head and with his impatience growing started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around.

Carl asked "what's wrong?" Lyle replied, "It's a small, small world Carl, and you're fired!"

[thewisestfish]

A rabbit escapes from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw the wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

"Hey," he called. "Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried and the lab rabbit hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good.
"This is great" he said "What else do you wild rabbits eat?" he asked.

"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."
"I'll give that a go" he thought and bounded over to the field and dug up and ate the juciest carrot he had ever eaten.
"That was wonderful" he said, hopping back to the group, "Anything else?"

"Well, that field over there has lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well" said one of the group, so he ambled over to taste some. It was every bit as delicious as the carrot and he returned to the group a while later completely full.

"Do you rabbits do anything other than eat?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer and whispered in his ear "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it."

Well, the lab rabbit spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted, but Ive got to get back to the laboratory now". This surprised the others and they asked why he was leaving, thinking they must have upset him.

"Oh no, I love it here" he said "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."

[dublinbay]

2 women at a vegetable section in supermarket. One picks up a large carrot and remarks
`this reminds me of my fella`s willy`
`the size of it!!?` exclaims her friend excitetedly.
`no` she says,` the dirt of it`

Golf joke and I hate golf.........
Jesus and Moses teeing off at the 5th hole. The fairway doglegs around a lake. Jesus decides to hit accross the lake and reaches for a 5 iron.
`You`ll need a 3 wood for that` says Moses.
`Shush` says Jesus and takes his shot, straight into the lake.
`Told you` says Moses.
`OK,OK. Go down there,part the water and bring the ball back ` says Jesus.
Moses does as asked and Jesus tees up and takes the 5 iron again.
`3 wood boss`
`Shush`
Plop,in the lake again.
`Moses,get the ball please`,
`OK, but this is last time`
Jesus hits another lake shot. `Moses....`
`NO BOSS` says Moses ` get it yourself`
So Jesus walks down to the lake and then out on the lake looking down to see the ball.
Just as he walked onto the middle of the lake, a 4 ball arrived at the 5th tee ,seen this happening and said to Moses;` Huh, who does your mate think he is,Jesus Christ?`
`No mate, Arnold bloody Palmer`

[Digger]

Originally Posted by Adrian Kelland

Is the carrott male or female Digs?

I suspect male, but not for obvious reasons.

Adrian, anyone who knows about sexing fruits knows it's fruits, not vegetables. The only vegetable which ever gets in is the Tomato, the only transexual fruit. Tsk.

Digs.