In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli...

[Buoyant Babe]

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created vanilla ice cream and Magnums.

And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that? And Man said "Yes!"

And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them to make cake.

And Woman went from size 12 to size 14. So God said "Try my fresh green salad".

And Satan presented thousand island dressing and garlic croutons on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them".

And Satan brought forth deep fried king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.

And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.

And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, and super size'em".

And Satan said "It is good."

And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here 's the
final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[PeeBee]

Like it, green for you

[B]

PMSL... B x

[BJ]

As a matter of interest:
Urban Legend:
Did you know that broccoli is hybrid of spinach and cabbage (cauliflower)? It was developed by an Italian man called Sr.Broccoli. He made a lot of money from licensing the rights to grow it. His grand children grew up rich. One was Cubbi Broccoli. He used his money to produce films - the James Bond films. As Michael Caine would say, not a lot of people know that!
The legend is wrong. They were made by Jasper Carrot.

I apologise. I am waiting for 3 tonnes of potting compost to be delivered and the paint here has already dried. Anyone want a punch-up?

[nickb]

My wife had a bunch of broccoli as her bouquet when we got married. Her best mate (& witness) had some too and ate hers during the service.

[Loctite]

Love it!! Green for you

[BJ]

(The man just unloaded 30 80litre bags of stable manure. Wrong! He's just had a sense of humour failure and gone off for 30 bags of potting compost.)

My first wife ate her wedding bouquet too. I should have guessed she was going to be a bit of a mare.

[Arfie]

[CotoChris]

Originally Posted by BJ

As a matter of interest:
Urban Legend:
Did you know that broccoli is hybrid of spinach and cabbage (cauliflower)? It was developed by an Italian man called Sr.Broccoli. He made a lot of money from licensing the rights to grow it. His grand children grew up rich. One was Cubbi Broccoli. He used his money to produce films - the James Bond films. As Michael Caine would say, not a lot of people know that!
The legend is wrong. They were made by Jasper Carrot.

I apologise. I am waiting for 3 tonnes of potting compost to be delivered and the paint here has already dried. Anyone want a punch-up?

And I heard today they took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

[David]

Originally Posted by CotoChris

And I heard today they took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

did you not mean they managed to get it to disapear from evey dictionary ?