Words Women Use:

[hogen-deifar]

I'll probably get shot by a few women for this, but:-

Fine:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "Fine". (Refer back to #1 for the meaning of Fine.)

Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks:
A woman is thanking you -- do not question, or faint. Just say "You're welcome".

Whatever:
Is a women's way of saying " F@!K YOU!"

Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong", for the woman's response to be "Nothing". (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of “Nothing”.)

See guys, now you know!!!!!

[ShinyD]

Originally Posted by hogen-deifar

See guys, now you know!!!!!

Humph...

As if you could be married and not know the above

[Scuttler]

We knew already.....we just didn't give a sh1t

[Sixsquid]

Originally Posted by Scuttler

We knew already.....we just didn't give a sh1t

Ain't that the truth

Hoges !!

[hogen-deifar]

Touchy!

[uwila]

You missed
I don't mind:
This is easily translated as, "If you ever, ever even so much as think of doing that, I will tear your nadger out by the root and shove it up your @rse"

Yes:
No

No:
Yes

[hogen-deifar]

Originally Posted by uwila

You missed
I don't mind:
This is easily translated as, "If you ever, ever even so much as think of doing that, I will tear your nadger out by the root and shove it up your @rse"

Yes:
No

No:
Yes

Fair enough!

[Woz]

Have just emailed that to Missus Woz. I'll pay heavily for that.

[Buoyant Babe]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay



And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

[milldog]

Mmmmm


A bit like this



poor sod

Graham