How To Handle Difficult Customers...

[Mr T.]

Check this out:


If you ever have a difficult situation to manage, you might want to consider the approach offered by this obviously well trained Customer Service Officer.

Indeed, an award should go to the Ansett Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, whilst making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Ansett flight was cancelled after Ansett's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers on to what ever flight seats could be found to get them to their destinations.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way through the queue to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and issued forth, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS."

The attendant replied: "I'm sorry sir, I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help all these people in the queue first, but I'm sure we'll be able to work something out".

The passenger was massively unimpressed and then demanded loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal building.

"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, then please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Ansett attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."

[Jay]

That is QUALITY! Cheers.

[Eddie]

A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin has not been left out so he has a quick look for it in the front garden and then in the back garden. Still not being able to locate the bin he knocks on the door. No answer, so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers.. "Harro" says the jappy chappy. "Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke looking perplexed.
Realising that the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and says "No mate, where's your dustbin?
"I dust bin on toilet, I told you"
says the Japanese bloke. "Mate" says the binman, "You misunderstand me.
Where's your wheely bin?" "Ok.. Ok.." says the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank.

[Billy the Kangaroo]

From the WordPerfect Help Desk
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the
help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word
Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a
caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged
into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were
two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the
back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because
it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming
in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came
in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like
it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[andy2tanx]

All the above, particularly the word perfect one.  BRILLIANT!!

[PaulC]

So this Japanese guy is touring New Zealand and he goes to a sheep show. There's a couple of lads in the first barn doing the old thing with clippers.
"Aah! what you doing preez?"
"We're shearing mate."
"Aaah!"
Goes into the second barn and a couple of guys are in there, sheep tucked under arm, giving them the old number one all over.
"Aah! What you doin' preez?"
"Shearing, mate."
"Aaaah!"
Out goes our Japanese friend and behind the barn there's a fella going at it like knives with an unwilling woolly companion.
"Aaaah! You shearing!"
"Nah, f**k off and find yer own!"