Gotta giggle ...

[Maltese Falcon]

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in  contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange.

The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it's really phenomenal! But why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

" One day", he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.

"No sh*t?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.

"Kiss me, kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

"Keep going!".

I looked around to see if I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful voluptuous naked woman She said, "You now have 3 wishes.", I looked around at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, " I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.!"

She nodded and snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was so big that ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!, she then asked:

"What is your second wish?" "What next?", asked the bartender.

"I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, " I want to make sensuous love with you by the stream"

She nodded, laid down and beckoned me. We made love right there by the stream for hours!! god I was a love machine. Afterwards, as we lay next to each other, sweating from our glorious love making she whispered in my ear, "You know you have 1 more wish, what will it be?"

I looked at her and replied "How about a little head?"

[Billy the Kangaroo]

Very proud to be "Not Maltese" because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to he back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
>
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.
>
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
>
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
>
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
>
Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
>
>
NOT TO MENTION...
>
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
>
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
>
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
>
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
>
> 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
>
> British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
>
> 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
>
> 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
>
> A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
>
> 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
>
> and finally.........

> In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
>
RULE BRITANNIA!!

ps Like the flag.....On Drift's tanks yet ?