The Monday Morning Livener......

[Mr T.]

Here we go....

SOMETHING TO CHEER UP YOUR MONDAY MORNING.........



A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

The girl says "No, I'm really a blonde".

"I thought so," the doctor says. "You have a broken finger."


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A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the Police. The police officer approaches him and asks:

"Have you been drinking Sir?"

"Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?"

"No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"

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Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.

"Why, that's my Speaking Clock", the man replied.

"How does it work?", asked the guest.

"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For **** sake, you ****, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!"

[Davey Willo]

Hilarious!  Dave wipes tears from eyes and say's.... Cheers Brenster  :thumb:

[andy2tanx]

Stop me if you've heard it...

A little old blind guy walks into an East End pub and after having ordered a pint says 'Anyone wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The barman replies 'Be careful mate.  I'm six foot tall, keen on karate, and blonde.  The chap to your left is a champion boxer, also blonde, the guy in the corner is a blonde karate instructor, and the two bouncers on the door are blonde twins wanted for armed robbery in 7 counties.  Do you still think you should tell your blonde joke?'

After a pause for thought the little old man looks up and says, 'No I dont think I will, not if I have to explain it five times!'