If you've ever organised a Christmas Party - read on .....

[aqua0]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 01, 2007
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 22, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 02, 2007
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 03, 2007
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on A table that reads ”AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
The union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and executives believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 04, 2007
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit Farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have To sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be Flower arrangement for the gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control
The salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood
Pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F**ing Employees
DATE: November 05, 2007
RE: The F**ing Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going To keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as You so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f**ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die.
The B*tch from HELL!!!!!!!!



FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 06, 2007
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy Recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holiday.

[Ruby]

I know that feeling well, I've had to organise our sections party.

*sighs wearily*

[kath2407]

Oh My God - I've just spit tea all over my desk!!

K XX

[dry suit diver]

Hmm been there done that before

[Juz]

I've arranged dive trips like that too!

Juz

[Odin]

Whats a christmas party?

[CatB]

After trying to get a group from the department to go to a bonfire party last year - note, not actually organising the party, that was a big council event just getting them all to the same place at the same time - I have decided that trying to organise PhD students is like trying to herd cats!

Never again!!

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by Odin

Whats a christmas party?

It's where you get drunk with your work mates and grope the fat bird that does all the photocopying





Or was that just me

[tootricky]

Originally Posted by aqua0

It's where you get drunk with your work mates and grope the fat bird that does all the photocopying





Or was that just me

Or the fat bird from the warehouse

[Kirstie]

Originally Posted by tootricky

Or the fat bird from the warehouse

Hear about the dyslexic pimp? Kept his girls in a warehouse.

Boom boom.