Voices from the past.

[frosty the snowman]

Having recently moved house, I was putting some boxes into the loft earlier when I noticed an old, dust covered chest in the corner. At first it appeared empty but on closer inspection I discovered a number of old newspapers, including the Yorkshire post dating back to 1888. I thought some of the letters in particular gave a fascinating insight into how life in the nineteenth century was both very different and yet in some ways, very similar to life today. Here is a small selection of those letters and a few of the replies they recieved.

From the Yorkshire Post February 12th 1888.

From Mr Wozembard Kingdom Brunel.

Sir, may I take the opportunity to employ the pages of your estimable organ to convey a narrative of a most curious and troubling happenstance which befell me upon Wednesday last. Having dined to corpulent repletion upon an excellent plateau of porcine comestibles, I realised the requirement to discharge my ordure via Mr Thomas Crappers water closet was upon me. Whilst seated upon the pan and awaiting the descent of my foulage thence I spied a tome that I had not previously examined. On inspection I found it to be a copy of Mrs Beetons domestic management manual. To my surprise and distress, further examination of the volume awakened a realisation within me that the erstwhile authoress was indeed a creature of considerable pulchritude and had thus caused an impressive turgidity of my matrimonial sceptre. I now fear that the Lord shall punish my base and animalistic urges and seek your most urgent council.

your obedient servant,

Wozembard Kingdom Brunel Esquire.
Nottingham.

February 15th 1888.

From Rev F. T.Snowman

Sir, with reference to your recent correspondant, Mr Brunel. Having read the shameful account of his vile onanistic episode , might I suggest that he directs his sorded energies into more seemly activities such as bible study, charitable work and flogging his servants in order that his immortal soul be spared eternal damnation.

Yours etc F.T. snowman.

March 10th 1888.

From Lady Y. Purple-Vonny, 3rd Viscountess of Weymouth.

Sir, I have of late harboured a most curious ambition which I must aver is one more commonly observed within the lower orders, particularly course and ill bred matelots. It is my desire to experience the activity of exploration beneath the storm tossed abyss of the English channel. I am curious to observe the fearful denizens of that dread sea and report them to the amazement of my companions and ladies in waiting.

You remain Sir, MY obedient servant,

Lady Y Purple-Vonny.

March 14th 1888

From Dr F.T. Snowman, Head Surgeon, Newton Abbot Royal infirmary.


Sir, with regard to the fanciful notions of Lady Purple-Vonny lately announced herein. Might I counsel her ladyship to disregard such assinine fantasies. It is irrefutable that the weaker sex is completely unable to participate in such manly endeavours as sub-aquatic perigrination. The pretty creatures would be rapidly crushed by the pressure of the water compressing the whalebone within their foundational unmentionable garments and their bustles would never be able to withstand insertion within the confines of a standard diving apparatus. The treatment I advise for her ladyships hysteria should include regular consumption of tincture of opium and to be seated atop a domestic mangle being enthusiastically operated by her most buxom scullery maid.

Yours etc F.T. Snowman FRCS.

June 18th 1888

From Miss Betsy Babe, South Shields,

Sir, as a lowly third scullery maid in a large Northern household, I am oftimes subject to the administration of corporal punishment by Mr Higginbottom the under butler consequent to my disobedience of the household rules. Of late I have found these thrashings have had the surprising effect of effecting lubricious enfrothment of my feminine diddle-daddle. I fear this is a most disagreeable happenstance, particularly as Mr Higginbottom is desireous of recording my shameful arousement using Mr Fox-Talbots photographiscopical contrivance.

Yours in distress,

B. Babe.

June 23rd 1888.

From Sir F.T. Snowman, Curator, national gallery.

Sir, with reference to the correspondance published on the 18th instant regarding the sinful urges of a domestic strumpet. Might I enquire whether such photographicological recording of the base events described has indeed occured since such a sorded tableaux would be of interest to the fellows of my private club for whom the collection of modern artistic representations is keenly pursued.

Kindest regards,

Sir F.T. Snowman, KC, VC, DSO.

[brian russell]

very funny now run and hide

[Scubee]

Welcome back, Frosty

[angleseydiver]

Welcome back, Frosty

[Sooty Stoo]

Originally Posted by angleseydiver

Ditto

[Buoyant Babe]

Jeez, I've had too much red wine...off to bed, will read it tomorrow

[susanmac]

Hilarious! It must have taken you ages to write.

A real one though...on a programme tonight about St Andrews Golf Clubs the Ladies Putting Club were supplied with "Restorative Cordials" by the past Captains of the R&A. I am as I type partaking of a small restorative cordial .

[John_C]

Originally Posted by Buoyant Babe

Jeez, I've had too much red wine...off to bed, will read it tomorrow

We await your explosive comments with baited breath......

[yazzyfooty]

Originally Posted by Scubee

Welcome back, Frosty

Morag
I noticed you have a red pussy. Have you been to see anyone about it?

[Scubee]

Originally Posted by yazzyfooty

Morag
I noticed you have a red pussy. Have you been to see anyone about it?

I got it from Wilbo and I saw Mal about it