Rules for Shopping in December

[Scubee]

I went shopping today. I discovered along the way that certain rules must now be obeyed....

Shoppers

• You are the only person in Town. Everyone else is a hologram and can therefore be walked through as they are technically invisible.
• If you happen to meet a friend, acquaintance or anyone else you know, however vaguely, stand for a long time in the narrowest aisle available chatting.
• if you happen to use an escalator, remember to use the time wisely. You and your friends can stand and have a rest stop. Under no circumstances keep to the right to allow others to get past you in their haste.
• If you need to try items on, take a wide selection in several different sizes. This ensures that you will be in the changing room for a long time.
• If you have a pushchair, remember that this gives you priority over other people. It can be used to encourage people to move out of your way, thereby giving you easy access to the shopping areas.
• A double buggy is approximately the same width as the average shop aisle. Use this knowledge wisely.
• If you have a child, encourage it to play with electronic devices located in till areas. This assists other shoppers and prevents them from making unwise purchases.
• If there is only one of a particular item on a shelf, it is yours by right. Any other person attempting to pick it up can be nudged gently out of the way so you can secure your hearts desire.
• Never think you need time to consider a purchase. This will result in either a long queue when you return, or the item will be out of stock. Or both.

Shopkeepers

• Your staff need experience, so get the youngest, cheapest and least experienced staff to work on Saturdays. They are your busiest day so they will learn fast.
• Change the locations of all items regularly. This encourages customers to wander aimlessly around the store looking for a particular item.
• Provided entertainment at the till areas for small children. Items of particular value are credit card machines, sweet displays and offer notices.
• It is very environmentally friendly to discourage the use of shopping bags. Therefore it is not appropriate to keep any bags in your till areas.
• Update your stock control system to ensure that it tells you that you have a number of any particular item in stock. This ensures that customers waste lots of time in your shop while you explain that a physical check reveals the shelf is empty
• Blame any mistakes on computers. The general public are so stupid they don’t know that it was really your own incompetence that was to blame.

Still, at least I have done most of my Christmas Shopping now... and survived to tell the tale!

[hogen-deifar]

Had a good day then, Scubee??!

I work in town centre. Lunch time has been HELL for a month now.

[Eeyore]

LOL yeah you go Scubee.....BEST WAY......tinternet!!!!!!!

[Scubee]

Most has been done via Internet, but unfortunately, you can't try on frocks on the internet!

[Scubee]

Originally Posted by hogen-deifar

Had a good day then, Scubee??!

I work in town centre. Lunch time has been HELL for a month now.

I found a chocolate shop. I didn't want to buy anything.... but they MADE me!

[purple vonny]

Parents of toddlers... teach them to squeal in that really high pitched way that bursts fellow shoppers ear drums and ignore them.

Also, encourage your children to run riot, they need the exercise. It is such fun for them to run up and down supermarket aisles crashing into people.

Yes, just to make sure everyone understands this rule, if you need to talk to your friend, stop where people can't get past and have a nice long natter.

People on electric scooters, you have right of way and can mow everyone down.

Department store ladies, yes, that orange make-up is very attractive and yes please, I would love to be squirted with Britney Spears perfume. In fact I think I'll buy a bottle.

Ho bloody ho.

[hogen-deifar]

Originally Posted by Scubee

I found a chocolate shop. I didn't want to buy anything.... but they MADE me!

Forced you with your arm behind your back, I guess?

Was that the posh one in The Oracle? Chocolate Hotel or summit like that, just up the way from Boots??? Very expensive!

Me? I'd rather have curry than chocolate ANY DAY!!!!

[Eeyore]

Originally Posted by Scubee

Most has been done via Internet, but unfortunately, you can't try on frocks on the internet!

Doesnt effect me then..........well

[Scubee]

Originally Posted by hogen-deifar

Forced you with your arm behind your back, I guess?

Was that the posh one in The Oracle? Chocolate Hotel or summit like that, just up the way from Boots??? Very expensive!

Me? I'd rather have curry than chocolate ANY DAY!!!!

Some is expensive, some is not too bad. more than Cadbury's but it is waaaaaaayyyyyyy better. They bribed me by making me eat some as soon as i walked in the door.

[Mark Griffith]

Originally Posted by hogen-deifar

Me? I'd rather have curry than chocolate ANY DAY!!!!

Now thats what i call a quality bird !!!
cheers
Mark