Phone in competition

[Dr Stevil]

I don't for one second believe this is meant to be true but it's mildy amusing nonetheless
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A radio station in the Australia recently ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moments in listeners lives. The following are the final four place getters:

4th place

"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amock. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!". The silence was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter."

3rd place

"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed making love we heard the
telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "surprise". My entire family, ... aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again."

2nd place

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no
pricetag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear. "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at therear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks". In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system:
DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU BELT
IN WITH A HAMMER?"

AND THE WINNER IS!
This one happened at a major Australian University last year. In a
biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen. A young female freshman, raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied, she picked up her books, and without a word walked out of the class, and never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue, not on the back of your throat!"





(Edited by Steve W at 1:35 pm on Jan. 10, 2003)

[Andy Phillips]

I liked the last one, I actually spat my coffee back out

Andrew

[Dr Stevil]

There's another variant on that last one:

Oxbridge Posh College, biology practical class, students are having mouth swabs taken in order make slides to look at cells which have been sloughed off, a typical crusty old don (ie sarcastic and impossibly self-important) is presiding over the class.  One female student pipes up, "Professor Smythe, one of my cells is still alive , it's moving!"
"Imposible! you're obviously imagining it" he replies, but struts over to investigate regardless.

After a time peering down the microscope, he proclaims loudly in his best addressing-the-whole-room voice
"THAT, MY DEAR, IS A SPERMATAZOA...!"  

(Edited by Steve W at 3:11 pm on Jan. 10, 2003)

[Andy Phillips]

Typical undergrad, no time to clean your teeth,

The great unwashed

Andrew

[Seadart Bob]

stop me if this one has done the rounds!!!

World cup football
Two blokes in a pub about to watch an England match on the big screen.
1st bloke say’s to his mate if  Scholes scores the first goal I’m going to drink Skol larger all day. If Beckham scores first I am going to drink Becks larger for the rest of the day.
2nd bloke turns to his mate and say’s I bet your glad David Seaman is playing in goal.