Something to ponder

[Queen Scallop]

Originally Posted by Adrian Kelland

Unfortunately they learn that it is OK to hit other people.

I wonder, too, how many people who are in abusive relationships were also abused as children. If a child is smacked by a parent, could they be more likely to accept violence from a partner in later life?

[ratcliffe]

Originally Posted by Adrian Kelland

Unfortunately they learn that it is OK to hit other people.

I disagree. Its called discipline. I never have hit anyone as a result!

"No Johnny, please don't do that, no please.... oh please don't. I'm asking you nicely, oh please don't do that" really works wonders - NOT

[Scubee]

Originally Posted by ratcliffe

I disagree. Its called discipline. I never have hit anyone as a result!

"No Johnny, please don't do that, no please.... oh please don't. I'm asking you nicely, oh please don't do that" really works wonders - NOT

Maybe not but explaining why not to do something does work. Children want to please adults. They crave attention, and if they are rewarded for good behaviour, then that is what drives them to behave. Sadly, some children only get attention of any sort when they misbehave.

[Adrian Kelland]

Originally Posted by ratcliffe

"No Johnny, please don't do that, no please.... oh please don't. I'm asking you nicely, oh please don't do that" really works wonders - NOT

I agree, there is no threat and no punishment there. You do not have to involve violence as a punishment to be effective though. That has been well demonstrated by Supernanny or whatever it is.

Unfortunately most parents don't get the training she and others have had, and thus will fall back on their own experiences and ideas.

Adrian

[ratcliffe]

It needs to be some combination of the above. I agree with a good slap, but I probably only had it about 4 times in my childhood, so my parents obviously used it as a last resort I guess. I'd go with that, as *sometimes* it is needed, but yes a lot of people do smack/slap almost for the sake of it, and that is wrong.

[Buoyant Babe]

Nonesense! Why I was just saying to Mr Helen the other day as I whacked him with the frying pan that the odd slap never did me any harm...



...I am jesting, of course

[Letz]

Originally Posted by dry suit diver

we are now in the jealousy phase with her and the youngest and have found that removal of treats with a points system being used to earn priveliges back is working great.

she can earn ponts for being well behaved and big collected points mean a big treat.

I found the points system worked best when they start with an allocated number and lose them. Obviously they can still earn more but there is something to be said for starting from an advantageous position and trying to keep what you've got.
Small numbers of points can be used for sweets/treats but they can save them up for something more substantial.

Actually, now I think about it, that saying than "Men are just boys with bigger toys" does ring true Dan and I played a game over the Yuletide Season where we needed to gain "adventure points". To gain the adventure points you had to do a task/get the answer right or use an acquired gift card (like get out of jail free) but then you lost the card. In many cases failure meant you lost adventure points.
As you start with no points and can't lose what you haven't got it only took one go for Dan to respond with a "fuck it" and keep his card

Originally Posted by Queen Scallop

I wonder, too, how many people who are in abusive relationships were also abused as children. If a child is smacked by a parent, could they be more likely to accept violence from a partner in later life?

Actually it is accepted that such people actually find themselves in such relationships due to the subconscious, perceived "comfort zone" although they have no desire for such abuse and know it is wrong. This, of course, includes other forms of abuse which are generally more subtle and undetectable

[frosty the snowman]

Originally Posted by ratcliffe

I disagree. Its called discipline. I never have hit anyone as a result!

"No Johnny, please don't do that, no please.... oh please don't. I'm asking you nicely, oh please don't do that" really works wonders - NOT

Well as I've said, I've never raised a hand to my children and they have no discipline problems. Praise, communication and teaching by example worked perfectly well. I stand by my previous statement that if a child who has been hit grows up to believe that hitting children is acceptable, then by definition, they have been harmed because the have a distorted view of what is acceptable. I cannot accept that hitting adults to make your point is wrong but it's ok to do it to children. Violence is no more acceptable just because the victim won't hit back.

[Letz]

Originally Posted by frosty the snowman

Well as I've said, I've never raised a hand to my children and they have no discipline problems. Praise, communication and teaching by example worked perfectly well.

Along with boundaries and consistency. If you say no, it's no, you don't falter by nagging and lose the control. That is extremely hard for parents and they all deserve a big pat on the pack for standing their ground.

[lloydwatkin]

Originally Posted by Sixsquid

Actually, now I think about it, that saying than "Men are just boys with bigger toys" does ring true Dan and I played a game over the Yuletide Season where we needed to gain "adventure points". To gain the adventure points you had to do a task/get the answer right or use an acquired gift card (like get out of jail free) but then you lost the card. In many cases failure meant you lost adventure points.
As you start with no points and can't lose what you haven't got it only took one go for Dan to respond with a "fuck it" and keep his card

Ahh this game I know, comes from Anne Summers, I did much the same "kiss blindfolded?!?" not the adventerous I had in mind so dumped it.