Scottish Lonely Hearts adverts....

[thehappychappy]

Who said Scots Romance is dead! These are REAL ADS(aye right) from the
lonely-hearts column. Please let me know which one is yours :-)






Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08

Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box06/03

Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested
in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on
Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.

Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box /41

Ginger-haired Paisley troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more Box 84/87

Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy
journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32

Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 3/45

Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Shetland seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27

Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Box 52/07

Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler
competition at Frampton's Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!
Box 30/41

Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm

[SilvaFish]

Classic!!!

Worthy of the Viz Magazine Awards, if such a thing exists.



ps - you're not the paisley, ginger dude, are you?

[Woz]

Nottingham man, 37, WLTM diving lady who will not swallow my heart whole then shit it out onto a raging bonfire of burning spite.

[dry suit diver]

Originally Posted by some gadgie

Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Shetland seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27

Hazel better hide Helen away she almost fits the bill

[Mal Bridgeman]

Originally Posted by Woz

Nottingham man, 37, WLTM diving lady who will not swallow my heart whole then shit it out onto a raging bonfire of burning spite.

I thought you were talking about yourself till you got to the "37" bit
Mal

[JasonP]

Originally Posted by Mal Bridgeman

I thought you were talking about yourself till you got to the "37" bit
Mal

Might be his weight?

Jason

[Woz]

Do you mind? I'm 38 on Monday. Go and buy me a present. A new drysuit will do.

[frosty the snowman]

Sophisticated west country gentleman, gemini, sensitive, artistic, well read and widely travelled seeks attractive, amiable companion for country walks, fine dining and fun times. Up to four legs considered.

No shitting on my new carpet.

[Frankie Price]

Put me down as the "Bad tempered, foul mouthed old bastard........" well that is according to Mrs Frankie..

[Nick S]

Wanted: Good Woman Must be able to clean, cook, sew, dig worms and clean fish. Must have boat and motor. Please send picture of boat and motor