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Non Diving Posts: Discuss Girl bashing in the Non-Diving Related Forums forums: How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings ...

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 27-05-03, 05:51 PM
peter k's Avatar
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peter k thought this was Handbag.net
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,
Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said,
"God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

"INCOMING"

Peter
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old 27-05-03, 06:52 PM
Jay's Avatar
Jay Jay is offline
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Imported post

Quote:
Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] (peter k @ May 27 2003,17:51)]Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Its so true!
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old 27-05-03, 06:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] (peter k @ May 27 2003,17:51)]Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Peter.
Fairly acurate description of me, however l walk down the street knowing l am beautiful, its everyone else that doesn't realise.
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"Howard takes cool and stamps on it a few times before wiping his arse with it and feeding it to the dog" - Mark Chase - Tuesday 10.18pm 18-10-05
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  #4 (permalink)  
Old 28-05-03, 10:08 AM
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At least us women don't need to fart to amuse ourselves...
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  #5 (permalink)  
Old 28-05-03, 10:24 AM
MATTBIN's Avatar
Just not enough dive time.
 

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MATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm waterMATTBIN is a scuba diver - warm water
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Frog
do I detect a hint of jealousy there?

Matt
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  #6 (permalink)  
Old 28-05-03, 02:17 PM
Frog's Avatar
C-in-C the Amphibious Contingent
 

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Frog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the seaFrog paddles in the sea
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Quote:
Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] ]do I detect a hint of jealousy there?
Nope!!  
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  #7 (permalink)  
Old 28-05-03, 02:37 PM
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Dominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annuallyDominic dips toes in sea annually
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Isn't it sad what denial can do to a person?
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  #8 (permalink)  
Old 28-05-03, 03:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] (Dominic @ May 28 2003,14:37)]Isn't it sad what denial can do to a person?
That is one reason never to go to Egypt.
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