The European Union commissioners

[Ian Hunt]

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather that German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also,the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' wil be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters,which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. also al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' , and similar changes vud of kors be applid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensible riten syl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU.

[Shiney]

Yah, das is very goot, ve vill become ze masters in ze end!

Now who said that I wonder ?