Rugby World Cup - Latest

[Mr T.]

Subject:    Rugby World Cup News
 
 
** International Rugby Board (IRB) Rugby World Cup 2003

 
Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing their war dance, or 'Haka', before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.

The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed to the following pre-match displays:
 
a.. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the game and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone still thinks New Zealand are the best team in the world.
 
b.. The Scotland team will chant "eh pal, gonni gizza a swig-ur-yur Bukkie??" before smashing an Iron Bru bottle over their opponents' heads.
 
c.. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing 'Riverdance', while the Northerners march the traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents' dressing room.
 
d.. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion following representations from the RSPCA.
 
e.. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the match stewards.
 
f.. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important and ratially purer than the other 13, whom they will subsequently imprison between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
 
g.. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years, however, they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important and prolific points scoring team in the tournament and Hollywood will then make a film called 'Saving Prop Ryan'.
 
h.. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the rest of the team to ransom whilst making at least a dozen rediculous and singularly unreasonable demands.
 
i.. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away - before phoning in later to see who won.
 
j.. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when their appeal for compensation against the UK Government will be heard. It will then be explained to their team that it is indeed impossible to be guilty of a 'deliberate hand-balling offence' in Rugby Football - either code!
 
k.. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).
 
l.. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the delight of Wales!) and burn the officials. They will then enjoy a three-hour lunch (whilst the rest of the teams crack on with the tounament), not care a toss that they are holding up proceedings, discuss hair-care products and (in tears) tell each other how much they love their mums.....with all the philosophical capability of a Premiership football (Association) player whose wife has a serious inability to pass a shoe shop without spending a small King's Ransom on the most gaudy and tacky shite conceivable.........
 
m.. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their mates to come over and live with them in Shepherd's Bush and Earl's Court.

[Jay]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Bren Tierney @ June 24 2003,14:27)]c.. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing 'Riverdance', while the Northerners march the traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents' dressing room.

Just reminded me Mr Tierney - I have recently developed the films of the little get-together at my gaff last year. Must get them scanned as the sight of you attempting 'Riverdance' is simply stupendous!

[Mr T.]

Hey Jay,

to paraphrase Maximus Decimus Meridius:

".....and I shall have my revenge......in this life...or the next..."

     

[Dawn Johnson]

Just remember though Bren that revenge is a dish best served cold...Although you did look bloody funny