Only in Britain ...

[Jay]

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make the sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the Drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.

Only in Britain... are there handicap parking places in front of a Skating rink.

Did you know...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalectrix cars.

and finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet!



AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE BRITISH!!

[Seadart Mark]

On the other hand.....................


Only in America... will an ambulance only come to your house if you can afford it.

Only in America... do supermarkets sell armor piercing ‘hunting’ ammunition.

Only in America... do people sue the fast food companies for making them fat bast@rds.

Only in America... do they call people like Bill Gates Guru’s because they can’t spell charlatan.

Only in America... do they have huge gas guzzling cars and then hide all the oil to run them under the sand in Iraq.

Only in America... do they sell technology and parts for weapons of mass destruction to unstable world leaders and then blow them up for having them.

Only in America... could a sporting event called The World Series, only include American teams.





This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in Oct 1995.

Radio conversation released by chief of naval operations 10/10/95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north.

Canadians: Negative, you will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. the second biggest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.



AREN'T WE LUCKY TO BE BRITISH!!

[rasilon]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Seadart Mark @ Nov. 24 2003,13:34)]Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

AREN'T WE LUCKY TO BE BRITISH!!

Then again, going by recent events, there's a good chance our lot'd simply run into the thing.  On the other hand there was apparently an American commander who felt that his ship could take anything the sea could throw at it and this Corryvreckan thing wasn't worth worrying about...

[Helen F H]

My other half had to go to hospital after changing a light bulb

If you are squamish, dont read on........i mean it........he was changing the bulb at my mums house (cos she is a shortarse just like me), and he must have squeezed the bulb too hard and it broke.  It cut down the side of his thumb into the pad, and right under his nail.  The first i heard was "helen, get your first aid kit" in a slightly worried tone.  After an hour in casualty with the thumb now numbed up, he was patched back together.  There are still the small spatters of blood on the wallpaper at the top (where mum cant reach) to remind him of it for evermore.