'Tis the season...

[Dominic]

Somebody mentioned that they had a hard time with Xmas trees as they own a cat, which bats at the baubles.

I said that it was all well and good talking about what cats can do to trees.

What about dogs?

Dogs have large waggy tails that are just the right height to cheerfully smash into the lower half of the tree and send baubles catapulting around the room whilst needles rain down upon the carpet. Naturally, baubles are round, and dogs consider round moving objects as balls, which they then chase.

Dogs rarely have delicate jaws, and many baubles are made out of very thin glass. Therefore dog owners' trees have an impressive lopsidedness (lop-heightedness?) on their trees, with baubles festooning the top part of the tree, whilst the lower branches are devoid of spherical glittery things.

And dogs, like many men, have a lifetime's conditioning compelling them to pee against trees. This can spell disaster, or at least "Crackle-fizz-yelp-yelp!" when dogs and trees with fairy lights are allowed to co-exist.

And as for dogs in the same room as a tree with chocolate decorations on it... don't even go there. It's a delayed problem, you see - the dog doesn't complain until eighteen hours later, when it tries to pass a crumpled lump of foil through a tender area...

So... what other pets are bad for Xmas, and why?

[Seadart Mark]

Bengal Tigers are bad for Xmas.

They take up loads of room.
They munch on small children all the time.
They always buy you socks.
They tell you how the Xmas Day movie is going to end 'cause they have Sky and saw it 8 months ago.
They cheat at Monopoly.
The mother-in-law thinks they're great and you're a loser.
They never buy a round down the pub 'cause "they're a Tiger and they don't earn money"...... yeah right.



Cheers

Mark