The new slang dictionary

[Helen F H]

Courtesy of Danboy, here is something that made me nearly break some ribs....


>THE NEW SLANG DICTIONARY

>
>
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>AEROPLANE BLONDE
>
>One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
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>AUSSIE KISS
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>Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
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>BEER COAT
>
>The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
>at
>
>3 in the morning.
>
>BEER COMPASS
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>The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze
>
>cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how
>you
>
>get there, and where you've come from.
>
>BEER SCOOTER
>
>The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember
>it
>
>i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught
>the
>
>beer scooter".
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>BOBFOC
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>Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
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>BONE OF CONTENTION
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>A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is
>
>watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
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>BREAKING THE SEAL
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>Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
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>breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
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>required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
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>BRITNEY SPEARS
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>Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".
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>BRUCE LEE
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>Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
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>BUNNY-BOILER
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>An unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene
>in
>
>the film "Fatal Attraction", e.g. "I don't like the look of that
>aeroplane
>
>blonde - could be a bunny boiler".
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>DOUBLE BASS
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>A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and
>then
>
>fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue
>with
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>the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double
>bass
>
>instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
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>DRINK-LINK
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>A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is
>common
>
>to visit one before going out on the booze.
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>ETCH-A-SKETCH
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>Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her
>nipples
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>simultaneously.
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>FLOGGING ON
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>Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
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>FRIGMAROLE
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>Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
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>F*CKSH*TF*CKSH*TF*CKSH*T
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>The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a
>speed.
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>GOING FOR A McSH*T
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>Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're
>
>
>just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your
>
>declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McSh*t
>With
>
>Lies.
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>GREYHOUND
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>A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
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>JOHNNY-NO-STARS
>
>A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
>works
>
>in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying
>stars
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>that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of
>
>training.
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>MILLENNIUM DOMES
>
>The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
>the
>
>outside, but there's actually f*ck-all in there worth seeing.
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>MONKEY BATH
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>A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo!
>Aa!Aa!
>
>Aa!".
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>MUMBLER
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>An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the
>
>'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.
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>MYSTERY BUS
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>The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
>toilet
>
>after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the
>
>
>pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
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>MYSTERY TAXI
>
>The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
>up,
>
>whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your
>bed
>
>instead.
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>NBR (NO BEERS REQUIRED)
>
>Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a
>
>10-Pinter.
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>NELSON MANDELA
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>Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).
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>ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
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>The need to defecate imminently.
>
>PEARL HARBOUR Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit
>
>Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.
>
>PICASSO ARSE
>
>A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
>got 4
>
>buttocks.
>
>RAGMAN'S COAT
>
>Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I
>bet
>
>she's got a kebab like a ragman's coat !"
>
>RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE
>
>To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just
>
>nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".
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>SALAD DODGER
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>An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
>
>TITANIC
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>A lady who goes down first time out.
>
>TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
>
>Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their
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>head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).
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>UP ON BLOCKS
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>Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I
>
>don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".
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>WALLACE AND GROMIT
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>Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.
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>WYNONA RYDER
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>Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a
>bottle
>
>of tart fuel please Doreen".
>