Thought you had a bad night?

[Mark Davies]

<font color='#000080'>You see everything in my job but a call that came in yesterday was pretty unique.

It came to us via the ambulance service as a dog bite - but with a difference.

The person involved was a youngish guy of 33 years but who was unfortunately paralyzed from the waist down after a road accident. He was mostly housebound so to keep himself company he had bought a staffordshire terrier puppy.

So anyway, puppies are puppies and he was having the usual problems with it; peeing on the carpet, chewing the furniture ... that sort of thing. But the dog was great company so he was happy.

So, Sunday night our chap goes to bed. The puppy is still little and a bit insecure so he lets it sleep with him in his bedroom.

He wakes up in the morning and the dog is lying on the bed next to him, looking very contented. He reaches down to stroke the dog and then notices that the bed is wet. He hadn't noticed this before because the wet area is down near his buttocks and he has no sensation at all below his waist. So he presumes the dog has had a wee in the night - until he lifts his hand up and sees that it is covered in blood!

Our boy manages to struggle into a seated position and only then does the full horror of his night become apparent.

His little puppy (called Ruffles, by the way) had at some time in the night either felt a little hungry or just the need to chew something. Unfortunately he had chosen to chew off the poor man's knob! (And presumably had eaten it, as it was nowhere to be found).

Our poor man had not felt a thing and was lucky to have woken when he did, otherwise he would have bled to death.

He was very philosophical about it. His tackle wasn't much use to him anyway and he was most concerned that the event meant that his dog would have to be destroyed. This was not the case and the two will be happily reunited once the patient has had surgery and been released from hospital.

Poor bugger - but we were laughing about it all day. Priceless!

[Kate]

<font color='#3BB9FF'>I haven't stopped laughing about this since you told me...I even woke during the night roaring with laughter!!!!!

x x x

[aclivity]

<font color='#810541'>

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Kate @ Dec. 16 2003,10:56)]I haven't stopped laughing about this since you told me...I even woke during the night roaring with laughter!!!!!

x x x

see, that's a female response .............a bloke is more likely to be thinking &quot;ouch&quot;

[Kate]

<font color='#3BB9FF'>That's what Mark said when I told him how funny I found it!

I told my Mum and Dad last night and Mum roared with laughter while Dad cringed!

x x x

[MATTBIN]

Bloody Hell!!!!

Matt

[aclivity]

<font color='#810541'>this may be an urban myth - I've never bothered to check on snopes.com - but I heard this a little while ago and it made me chuckle:

A few lads were out on the beer and after the pubs shut decided to go back to one of their number's house (who's wife was away visiting family) to continue drinking. On the way home they picked up some carry out food to give sustenance for the long night ahead.

The host fell asleep first in a chair in the kitchen.  When the other lads noticed he was asleep, they decided it was time to leave.  Before they left, though, they put an uneaten chicken wing in his trousers, sticking out of his fly, hoping that when he awoke he would be embarrassed about it.

In the morning, they were shocked to see an ambulance at their friends house.  It turned out that he slept through the night in the kitchen chair, and only awoke in the morning when his wife arrived home.  She had returned early, guessing that there would have been carousing going on and expecting a mess to be dealt with.

As she walked in the kitchen she was greeted by the sight of her fast asleep spouse with what appeared to be his most treasured appendage hanging out of his trousers, being worried at by the family dog.  She screamed, which had the effect of waking her husband but also of making the dog jump - pulling the chicken wing out of the man's fly.

At this, the wife fainted and split her head open on the stone floor of the kitchen.

[Dominic]

Allegedly not an urban myth:

Two blokes were drunkenly walking to a kebab shop to sate the munchies when they saw a cat get run over. The car didn't stop. They ran over to the cat, but it was already dead.

So they picked up the dead cat, carried it to the kebab shop, dropped it on the counter, and said loudly &quot;Right, this is it. Until you pay for the last six, NO MORE CATS!&quot;

To the dismay of all the other customers in the place who were happily munching on their kebabs...

[Ian B]

<font color='#0000FF'>After reading these postings the phrase &quot;give the dog a bone&quot; keeps coming to mind.

Likes the story of the kebab shop and the cat. Some take-aways like to use our pets (rumours have it) hence the cookbook &quot;How to Wok Your Dog&quot;

[Conor]

Cheers Mark, I'll be sitting with me legs crossed for the rest of the day.

[beef]

<font color='#0000FF'>OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!