Old Flames.....

[Mr T.]

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!

"Yeah," I said, Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute!

"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"

So I hung up.....

[Helen F H]

<font color='#000080'>oohh i will set my cat on you

[Mr T.]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Porg @ Mar. 13 2004,17:45)]oohh i will set my cat on you

Rather left that a sitter, what Porg?

The very thought of being ravished by Porg's pussy!! Call the cops!

[Stevie Boy]

I always knew pussy could bite back

[Helen F H]

<font color='#000080'>Why parents have grey hair. And also why some animals eat their young.
&gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
&gt; &gt; urgent problem with one of the main computers.
&gt; &gt; He dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
&gt; &gt; whispered, &quot;Hello?&quot;
&gt; &gt; Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the
&gt; &gt; boss asked, &quot;Is your Daddy home?&quot;
&gt; &gt; &quot;Yes&quot;, whispered the small voice.
&gt; &gt; &quot;May I talk with him?&quot; the man asked.
&gt; &gt; To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, &quot;No.&quot;
&gt; &gt; Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, &quot;Is your Mommy there?&quot;
&gt; &gt; &quot;Yes&quot;, came the answer.
&gt; &gt; &quot;May I talk with her?&quot;
&gt; &gt; Again the small voice whispered, &quot;No.&quot;
&gt; &gt; Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
&gt;alone,
&gt; &gt; the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should
&gt;be
&gt; &gt; there watching over the child.
&gt; &gt; &quot;Is there anyone there besides you?&quot; the boss asked the child.
&gt; &gt; &quot;Yes&quot; whispered the child, &quot;a policeman.&quot;
&gt; &gt; Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
&gt;asked,
&gt; &gt; &quot;May I speak with the policeman?&quot;
&gt; &gt; &quot;No, he's busy,&quot; whispered the child.
&gt; &gt; &quot;Busy doing what?&quot; asked the boss.
&gt; &gt; &quot;Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman&quot;, came the whispered answer.
&gt; &gt; Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
&gt; &gt; helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, &quot;What is
&gt;that
&gt; &gt; noise?&quot;
&gt; &gt; &quot;A hello-copper&quot; answered the whispering voice.
&gt; &gt; &quot;What is going on there?&quot; asked the boss, now alarmed.
&gt; &gt; In an awed whispering voice the child answered, &quot;The search team just
&gt;landed
&gt; &gt; the hello-copper.&quot;
&gt; &gt; Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked,
&gt; &gt; &quot;What are they searching for?&quot;
&gt; &gt; Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
&gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; &quot;Me&quot;.

[Rob Evans]

Porg, you owe me a new keyboard. This one's got all coffee in it.

[louigi]

<font color='#FF0000'>I didn't think porg was that frightening but looking at that cat! wow.

[bang-on]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Bren Tierney @ Mar. 13 2004,17:41)]&quot;Anyway&quot;, she said, &quot;I've put on a couple of pounds myself!&quot;

So I hung up.....

<font color='#0000FF'>bren,
proper order,now that is dir.

cheers
barrie

[Ian@1904]

<font color='#736AFF'>Reminds me of the old software joke about upgrading girlfriend1 to wife1, the issues associated with installing mistress1, concurrent use of wife1 and mistress1 leading to hardware errors, but removal of wife1 usually requires an upgrade of mistress1 to wife2......

[Digger]

<font color='#000080'>I know the feeling. I really do. I prefer to think of women as cars. And this Digger wrote off his previous vehicle. Had I kept hold of her, I could have used her in a part-exchange bargain and upgraded.

As it is I put in a call to Ocean Finance, who helped me out with my problem, and now I've got twice as much debt but 45 years to pay it off. ANd a new vehicle.

If anyone can decode who Ocean Finance actually is, you win a prize, probably the old bird.