Women v Men

[Suzanne]

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.  If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the  girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY.....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.  An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws "

[Finless]

No 5 is my favourite.

[Jules]

no definately 12!

[Mr T.]

In the words of the Bard: "What a piece of work is Man...?"

Answer: Bugger all without woman!

The defence rests.

[rob34]

<font color='#810541'>No. 7 made me laugh out loud!!! fantastic all of them

[Adrian Kelland]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Bren Tierney @ Mar. 22 2004,17:10)]Answer: Bugger all without woman!

Well that would be all!

gets coat and leaves

[Martyn Ward]

Nos. 2 &amp; 3 - obviously not Yorkshiremen!

No. 4 - Haven't got any of those, ues Liz's instead. &nbsp;

No. 6 - Struggling against obvious &quot;pussy&quot; references.

No. 11 - Arguable, I get better looking with each passing day!

[Frog]

Woman was created first, not man! &nbsp;Read on.

God created Eve first, but He created her with three breasts and she lived in the Garden of Eden, with plenty to eat and drink. &nbsp;After two weeks He went to see how she was.

&quot;Oh, fine God, but it's very uncomforatable having three breasts.&quot;

So God removed one of her breasts and cast it into the bush. &nbsp;He then left, saying He would return in another two weeks. &nbsp;This He did, and asked Eve how she was now she had two breasts and not three.

&quot;Oh, much better, thank you. &nbsp;Much more comfortable. &nbsp;But it's very lonely here, on my own.&quot;

So God went forth to the bush, retrieved the useless tit and made it into man...

[Diving Dude]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Suzanne @ Mar. 22 2004,13:15)]1. NAMES
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

l recon Mark Chase is Fat Boy, Tom is Pea-nut head and Chris Hall is either Godzilla or Scrappy? I'll go with Godzilla.

Don't think we've got an Eric on this board? we'll change it to Andy (Taurus) and call him scrappy.


And No 12 is very funny and true.

Oi Frog, l should be offended but it made me laugh.

[Narked@50]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Suzanne @ Mar. 22 2004,13:15)]As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, &quot;Relatives of yours?&quot;

&quot;Yep,&quot; the wife replied, &quot;in-laws &quot;

Isn't it typical for the woman always to have the last word?

James

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