Welcome to the Game of Golf...

[Mr T.]

The Natural Laws of Golf:

1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

2. The game of golf is 90% mental and the rest is mental.

3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

4. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes - - or at a minimum of not at all.

6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the
foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant
elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

16. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

19. It's not a gimme if you're still away.

20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

25. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 300 mph.

26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.

28. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your
ball is in the bunker.

31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

32. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Now, go out and enjoy a wonderful game ..

[Kate]

<font color='#736AFF'>Sorry Bren...golf... ...zZzZzZzZzZzZzZ &nbsp;

x x x

[Noel Johnson]

I've been playing golf for about 10 years now - it's all true...

Noel (H'cap 15)

[Rick Huggins]

<font color='#0000FF'>Golf is a waste of a good walk IMO!

It is theraputic however to knock the living s**t out of a ball down a park (is that me, or does every guy love that?)

Therefore, I now dive the water obstacles at my LGC and get paid for returning lost balls

[Mr T.]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Kate @ Mar. 25 2004,07:46)]Sorry Bren...golf... ...zZzZzZzZzZzZzZ  

x x x

Kate petal,

No need to apologise - where golf is concerned, I'm with Mark Twain: &quot;It's a good walk ruined.&quot; Indeed, let me refine that: I can forgive the 'sport', it's the heinous dresscodes, the spangled tank-tops, the Lyle &amp; Scott diamond-patterned v-neck jumpers (sweaters, to our American cousins), the wearing of baseball caps (always a flogging offence on my watch) and the sheer tedium of characters like Tiger 'Thoroughly F*cking Pleasant Yet Tedious to Boot' Woods.

Golf: .....the horror....the horror.....

[Bunny]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Noel Johnson @ Mar. 25 2004,07:55)]I've been playing golf for about 10 years now - it's all true...

Noel (H'cap 15)

Once again, I'm with you Noel (are you sure you married the right bunny?   )

Haven't played for 3 years but used to play off 18... every line had me laughing outloud... my colleagues looked very worried.

[MATTBIN]

Mentally golf is very similar to Archery. Doesnt matter what kit you have if it aint in your head it aint gonna work.
Best bit about Archery, compared to golf, of course is very little walking, unless you miss the Target in outdoor shooting.

Matt

[peter k]

30 years ago 10 white men chasing a black man was called the Ku Klux Klan, today it's called the PGA Championship.

Peter

[Noel Johnson]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]30 years ago 10 white men chasing a black man was called the Ku Klux Klan, today it's called the PGA Championship.

That's bloody funny Peter, ROFLMAO my colleagues here at work have decided that I'm very strange...

[Ratbag]

Thanks guys for that. I've played golf on and off for yers (more off these days and I was laughing out loud at work too...passed it on to golfing-type colleagues...