Motivational Thoughts

[HelenM]

This one is for anyone who has ever had to sit in a meeting room thinking cynical thoughts whilst surrounded by those blasted motivational posters: http://www.despair.com/indem.html

Be sure to click on the collection lists down the sides so that you can get the full benefit.

My favourite? Change (winds).... soooo funny.....

H

[Mr T.]

By way of illustration of just how prominent/prevalent this gash now is, and the lengths to which HR-wallahs will go to justify their jobs, I have two examples of just how comical this mince has become for those on the receiving end.

1. My sister-in-law: being a mother of 4, and wanting to take on a part time job, for some extra cash, stacking shelves at the local Asda/Tesco/Sainsbuggeries (like it matters), she went along for the 'interview'.

On being led/herded into a room full of people, she was only then told that it was a 'group interview': the manner in which companies looking to employ in their droves potential employees whom they haven't got the bottle to say "you're not important and we can't be arsed extending the meagre courtesy of a one-on-one with any of you."

Now put into groups of six, she is informed that each group is to be given (and I jest you not) a sheet of A4 paper, a 'Dorito' and a black bin-liner, before being instructed that they must now construct a 'chariot' for the 'Dorito'!!

For a job stacking shelves in a supermarket?!

Now whilst the above smacks of sheer ignorance of how to treat people, on a very basic level - regardless of any 'team-building', 'bonding', ability to work as a group' pedigree bullshit these tossers might try and feed you, this next one borders on human rights abuse.


2. Three of my friends recently joined a large content provider/cable TV/ISP/telecommunications company recently, alledgedly to fill roles as 'communications specialists'.

They were all given their respective start dates and assembled for what they had been informed, in writing, would be their "tailored induction course".

On arriving at the stated place and time, they all bumped into each other and were led into a conference room where there were umpteen other folk awaiting their 'processing' (sounds like an abattoir doesn't it).

All were then summarily informed that they were now on the first day of their three-week induction and 'orientation' phase. One of them even made a quiet joke about bringing his compass and maps in the following day and dusting off his bergen. He didn't know just how close to the mark he was...

I won't bore you with the details of the entire three weeks, but it all began to unravel on day one of the second week. Here, it quickly became apparent that whomever (in the HR dept.) had 'designed' this 'course' was either an Andy McNab/Chris 'Geordie' Ryan wannabe-never-gonnabe, or had always harboured desires to enter military life. The following became farcical in the extreme. Two of these lads had been in uniform and found the whole thing an insult to their intelligence.

After being led, one at a time, blind-folded, into the centre of a field out in the country, they were then told to do an impression of a sheep. The idea being that as they heard others in the, ahem, 'flock' making the same noise, they were to make their way towards their kindred 'new-hires' and form a 'flock' before the 'sheep dogs' got to them.

Picture the scene if you will, a mixed bunch of goodly folk all standing in a field, bleating like sheep!

Various other inane and asinine pranks and wontonly useless acts were enacted up on them before they were - wait for it - "'Badged' for 'Passing Selection'"; their completion certificates handed to them (quite literally) 'in the field' by some HR wanker who'd happily (though pathetically) donned the nom de guerre 'Colonel Whoever' for the purposes of the week-long 'exercise'.

Suffice to say, my mates saw this mince for what it was and binned it and got gainful employ elsewhere within a matter of weeks. Mind you, we are talking about a company who has never been in profit since its inception, has restructured its debt more times than soft Mick and then paid its failed and fired former CEO an obscene amount to bugger off - when he was one who nearly drove it in to the ground on more than three occasions.

It would appear their message seems to be: work for us and we'll take the piss out of you whilst rewarding the most senior wasters in the company with huge pay-offs for not creating a stable environment in which our long-suffering work-force might prosper and enjoy coming to work. Alas, this seems to be endemic in the UK and US systems nowadays.

[Bikerbill]

My sister in law had a similar experience when interviewed in Asda for employment as a check out operator. She still got the job despite taking the pish.

WOW, the pessimist's mug had me rolling on the floor.