Something that the girls might enjoy..

[Ratbag]

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring
the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
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My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
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A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
> > A: A rumour.
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He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you've succeeded.
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Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.
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Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?

A: They can't stand criticism.
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Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A:The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving