Maybe this'll brighten your day...booze..

[Ratbag]

>"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed,
>
>then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the winery
>and
>
>all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might
>
>be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to
>
>myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come
>
>true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
>
>~Jack Handy
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
>
>morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
>
>~Frank Sinatra
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"24 hours in a day, 24 bottles in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
>
>~ Stephen Wright
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When
>we
>
>fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
>
>Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
>
>~ Brian O'Rourke
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"Wine is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
>
>~ Benjamin Franklin
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
>
>wine. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but
>the
>
>wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
>
>~ Dave Barry
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>WINE: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
>
>~ "Unknown"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
>
>One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
>
>buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
>
>"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
>as
>
>fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
>
>slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
>natural
>
>selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
>and
>
>health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
>
>weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
>
>as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
>
>know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
>
>weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of wine
>
>eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
>
>efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few
>
>beers."