Product Recall: Mares Red Quattros

[Kanga]

It appears that the dye in old-style Mares red quattro fins has been associated with outbreaks of bird-flu across the globe. Korean peasants wearing red fins whilst tending to their ducks became inexplicably more ill than those peasants not wearing fins.

It has also been noted that divers wearing old-style red quattro fins experience a dramatic drop in 'cool' status.

We have therefore instituted a global recall of this product. Customers owning the old-style red quattros are asked to send them to me. I errr, I mean, Mares are offering two mars bars in exchange for red fins, and another pair of quattros in black, blue or yellow.

Yours Faithfully,

Product Safety Team

[Eeyore]

Worth a try
I'm size XL
I'd be more than happy to re-test these fins!

Originally Posted by Kanga

It appears that the dye in old-style Mares red quattro fins has been associated with outbreaks of bird-flu across the globe. Korean peasants wearing red fins whilst tending to their ducks became inexplicably more ill than those peasants not wearing fins.

It has also been noted that divers wearing old-style red quattro fins experience a dramatic drop in 'cool' status.

We have therefore instituted a global recall of this product. Customers owning the old-style red quattros are asked to send them to me. I errr, I mean, Mares are offering two mars bars in exchange for red fins, and another pair of quattros in black, blue or yellow.

Yours Faithfully,

Product Safety Team

[ScubaSue]

Kanga

Can't green you again, one in the bank

[Kanga]

Originally Posted by Eeyore

Worth a try
I'm size XL
I'd be more than happy to re-test these fins!

Eeyore,

Mares thanks you for your application to become a red fin tester. Unfortunately, owing to the extreme nature of the work, only a limited number of children's book characters can be employed. Were there to be an unforseen disaster whilst using these fins, Mares feels the Winnie-The-Pooh franchise might fold, leaving devastated under-10s the world over.
Therefore, the Mares testing centre has already reached its maximum capacity of AA Milne characters.
We will keep your details on file.

And that goes for you, too, Tiggerbiker

[Digger]

I can confirm it's a bad one. A petition on Downing St website has confirmed that wearing fins is significantly hazardous to health. ROSPA have backed the claims, announcing that 99% of all diving accidents occur when the divers are wearing fins.

The red ones are particularly dangerous, as anyone seen wearing them is so uncool that passing divers may not stop to assist in an emergency situation, we all know that black, blue or yellow is this season's colour.

Please contact us by PM for details on how to safely handle your Red fins and get them to us by recorded delivery. We would fund the recall of these fins but as it's not a manufacturing fault (bird flu was considered an act of god by our insurers) you will need to send them to us at your own cost for "disposal".

Digs.

PS - Do you think they're falling for it? Out of however many thousand divers there must be at least a couple of dozen pairs of these. I do know a man with a set who knows they're shit hot but might just swap for a new pair. Hmmm.

[Eeyore]

Originally Posted by Kanga

Eeyore,

Mares thanks you for your application to become a red fin tester. Unfortunately, owing to the extreme nature of the work, only a limited number of children's book characters can be employed. Were there to be an unforseen disaster whilst using these fins, Mares feels the Winnie-The-Pooh franchise might fold, leaving devastated under-10s the world over.
Therefore, the Mares testing centre has already reached its maximum capacity of AA Milne characters.
We will keep your details on file.

And that goes for you, too, Tiggerbiker

Now thats funny!!!!
hope the testing goes well

[Jason T]

you saying that old c glen was last seen in china doing some paddy diving (ha ha ha) that could explain a lot???????????????????????

[Kanga]

Great, looks like we're flushing these out of their lairs... This is the second pair that have turned up on ebay in the last week. And look, you even get a free snorkel! How functional.

Red fins

[dry suit diver]

Originally Posted by Kanga

Great, looks like we're flushing these out of their lairs... This is the second pair that have turned up on ebay in the last week. And look, you even get a free snorkel! How functional.

Red fins

I just loved the question to the seller. What colour are they?

[purple vonny]

Didn't you buy 'em off ebay Kanga?