What would YOU do in these circumstances?

[Dinger]

Originally Posted by Digger

You've got to say something, and if you only say it to the cheating spouse then they've got something over you - you didn't tell the mate straight off.

The worst thing about a break-up I was in a couple of years ago were the number of people who knew but didn't tell her little things which added up to a much bigger picture. That's what really screwed me up, and I realised that not only had I lost her, but a whole lot of friends as a result of putting everyone in a dodgy position. Cheats never prosper. It's taken some time to learn that. And better the cheat learns sooner rather than later.

I do think that if it was a really good mate - like Ears or that if I found anything like that out I would be straight down to tell him in person cause I would want it done if the situation were reversed. If they are not that close then reallly damned if you do damned if you dont.

Then again perhaps his better half knows people never cease to amaze me

Dinger

[Pierre Farrugia]

I would contact her with my needed diving equipment list and blackmail her if she does not buy them I call my friend I will end with a scooter and a HID light at last hehe

[Brass Monkey]

Originally Posted by Digger

Cheats never prosper. It's taken some time to learn that. And better the cheat learns sooner rather than later.

Not sure about that one, I've seen some bad tricks pulled and the people involved have gotten away with it and had what they would say was a good time. The really crafty ones have turned it all around on the partner, blamed them for not meeting their needs.

As for me, I would keep my mouth shut, it happened and I did. When the whole thing blew up I still kept my mouth shut. Not that I'm not a good friend it's just that the guy was hopelessly in love and would never have thanked anyone for bearing bad news. After the break up it's still best to be quiet so as not to rub salt into the wound.

As for cheating, it's bad enough trying to get as much diving in as I would like let alone trying to keep another woman happy. Then again if Halley Berry were to come calling…..

Dave.

Dave.

[turbanator]

Keep well out of it, no-one ever gets thanked for exposing this sort of thing, you'd (one would) probably lose them both as friends.

r
Paul

[jlwarlow]

Originally Posted by MATTBIN

Seriously, I'd forget I ever saw it. Their business.
What good is it going to do your relationship with them.

If he finds out then so be it but I wouldnt want to be the one that tells him, if he asked if I knew I'd lie and say no. Some things just dont NEED to be said or revealed.

Matt

Ditto

[Dr Stevil]

I suppose you need a couple of definitions and delineations to address this properly: personally speaking, a "mate" is someone very close, "a friend" maybe or maybe not so close, and for me there's different rules for each situation.

If he/she is your mate then you owe it to him/her to tell them they're being "had", if they want to "shoot the messenger" then more fool them. If they weren't a good mate and merely "a friend" then it's not really any of your business so that's a more debatable issue.

Being a close friend of someone has, IMO, certain rights/obligations and there should be an element of "this is gonna hurt but you need to hear it and you can't take it out on me".

Someone who I considered "a mate" but who could sit on this kind of info, wouldn't be "a mate" in my eyes come the inevitable aftermath.
And those who would actively lie to someone about what they knew, well in my scheme of things then you guys are no more than just friends, not mates.

[Moray]

So, pretending this is serious:

We cannot know what sort of arrangements couples have. I would never let someone know, because perhaps they DO know, or even approve, but would be embarrassed by their friends'/acquaintances' knowing.

Beyond that, not my business. Life is too short to go around telling other people how to live theirs.

just my $0.02

moray

[Angus]

Originally Posted by moray

Life is too short to go around telling other people how to live theirs.

Amen to that!

[RuthH]

I was cheated on, and my friends knew. They didn't tell me. When I found out I felt like a fool, I felt like my friends had betrayed me as well as the git who two timed me. I asked them if it ever happened again to please tell me. I need to know that the person I'm investing my emotions in is genuine, I need all the facts.

It did happen again, and they did tell me. One person in particular said it was the hardest thing she'd ever done but I have never forgotten and will always be grateful to her.

Being cheated on is bad enough, being made to feel a fool by your friends makes it much worse. I would tell both parties what I'd seen, but I wouldn't make any suggestion as to what they should do about it.