DIR day Day 1

[Mark Chase]

Every now and again you do something so monumentally stupid you begin to doubt your own sanity. Today was such a day.

First, I decided to attend a DIR gig and meet most of the DIR lads I have fought with over the years but just to add spice Frank Bruce (A CCR instructor) was there, who I recently fought with over CCR training...

Then I decide to do a line laying workshop with Bob Cooper and Andy Carrol. No big thing you might think until you consider I was diving open circuit twin set for the first time in 14 months on twin 7's using a single piece harness, DUI 400g undersuit and a borrowed pair of Jet fins. All of which I had never ever dived before.

Welllllllllllll. Things got of to a fairly good start. Andy Carrol nicked the very last place in the bottom car park and I was the bloody car directly behind him but apart form that non of the DIR boys came over to beet me up so that was considered prety good.

Straight in Bob, (who had offered to configure a workable single piece harness for me) impressed me by saying, "Actually I cant remember how to do it,, but Gledders will help". Gledders, bless her cotton socks, was well up to the task and managed not to laugh at my own sorry arsed attempt to set the thing up as she took it completely apart and started again.

Once sorted there was the little problem of weighting. Bob had some lovely tail weights and a V weight but they didn't quite fit twin 7's having been cast for 12's. Never mind we managed to find 3kg that would just about fit.

Kitting up was OK and its in the water for a weight check and a few skills. Gledders and Bob are with me and I knew Bob was a buoyancy dive God so I was desperate not to look a twat. I dumped everything and was still on the surface. Not good. I contemplated getting out and going to grab some more weight but I thought sod it I am close so Ill duck dive.

Cooooooollllll,,,, once under the water I was fine. Trim was a little feet light in the Jet fins but I could live with it and off we went no problem. The rig was super light compared to my CCR and I felt agile and sylphlike in the water. I was having fun. Welll until Bob asked me for shut downs. I struggled like f@ck. OK I got the job done but it was slow and painful (literally) and I felt that in a real life situation it wasn't quick enough.

Buoyancy and trim were a struggle in the 5m of water we were practicing in but it was livable. I practiced a few more times and ended up jamming a valve shut. Due to not having a good purchase on the valve I couldn't get enough leverage on it to undo it again.

Not good. OK at 5m but bloody dangerous at 30m+

Dive over and I am getting told what I am doing wrong by Gledders and Bob so feeling a bit low but they perked me up by saying my trim was good during general diveing... I think they were just being nice.

I challenged Bob to dive my twin 7's and do shut downs on them. I would dive his twin 18's which would be a P.O.P. to shut down due to the width of the manifold. High light of my day was watching Bob trying to get into my 7s rig and a PADI type chap coming over to offer assistance and asking Bob if he had ever dived before? Bob was about to inform him of his dive God qualification but thought better of it and asked him to locate the missing wing inflater instead.

The chap shook his head sadly and asked the name of the dive club we belonged to so he could avoid diving with us. I told him it was called D...I...R.

Needless to say once in my strange kit Bob shut the 7s down with only the merest hint of faf with the isolator. However I couldn't reach the valves AT ALL on the 18's. Gledders kindly led my finger tips to the end of the valve thinking I didn't know where it was. I knew where it was, but touching it with my finger tips was the best I could achieve. I wasn't too disheartened as the reason for this is fat bastard in skinny gits kit. Me of coarse being FB. The crotch strap was forcing the set low on my back and under normal rigging I dint think it would have been a problem.

Out we jump and its a break in the fluster and a chance to meet and greet the DIR YD massive and a few non DIR YDrs as well. It was great loads of people came up and said hi, and I knew who the hell about 3 of them were. However Little Pete was notable for his humor and welcome as was Phil and the girl who shouted out " I know you..... your the bloke who is always talking bollocks..."

Howard was looking pretty pissed off as his CCR instructor had gone home sick and that meant Howard was going to have to pay for his room and evening meal but not be there as he would have had no chance at a second W/end pass from the mighty Mrs H. Much wonga was passed to Gledders in compensation and I almost felt sorry for him but then I remembered he was a builder by trade and laughed instead.


Had I gone home at this point I would have escaped with my credibility intact but like a twat I stayed on for the line laying class. Now I have laid line on many a shipwreck (well about a dozen) so I did rather think this would be easy. However I was wrong. Bob did a good job of going through the basics on dry land but It is a skill that takes practice. We were privileged to watch Bob and Andy Carrol doing it first and it all seemed effortless and simple.

However when it came to our go things didn't go so well. I was N02 in the teem of three so I was checking tie offs and holding the torch on the rock for the chap laying the line. Well my buddy didn't have a great time and he chose the largest rocks to tie off on. I couldn't help thinking it would be easier if he used a smaller rock.

Having finished the circuit, the roles changed and as I was No2 man my job was to follow No3 man and unwrap the tie offs and keep the line tight. First thing that went wrong was I lost No 3 man???? Not good. Bob in the end lead the way and I followed. I struggled to keep the line tight and kept signaling N01 to reel in faster to take up the slack. Unfortunately he just got really close to me and couldn't figure out why I wasn't moving forward so just stooped. And stop reeling

I was trying to keep the line tight but I knew just going forward was going to end up with me and the No3 diver finning into slack line and getting tangled. I tried to invent signals to tell my buddy to reel in faster but they all failed.

I was frustrated that my signals to wind faster were being ignored but after the dive Andy Carrol said, "Why didn't you just turn around and tell him?" The simplicity of this answerer left me feeling a bit daft as it was so obvious but I hadn't thought of it.


Having completed the return circuit the reel was handed to me to be No1 and my buddy was now my No2 man. Things got off to a great start as i chose the same massive rock as a start point as I had criticized my buddy for 10mins ago. I did a great primary tie in but decided I had forgotten a loop. Not quite sure how to do said loop I managed to unravel my primary tie in I eventually got it sorted with Andy Carrol's help and I set off to lay line. I felt this went OK (Andy and Bob may disagree here ) bit I reached my final tie off and I wanted to do a double loop and suspend the reel by the bolt snap. About now things started to go badly wrong.

I looped the reel twice around the rock but the line slipped off so I had to wind in the slack and do it again. I struggled with the reel as it was partly locked off and then I figured out the problem and released it. Unfortunately at this point air had migrated to my feet in the 5m depth and I was going decidedly feet floaty. I knew this was happening but didn't want to look a fool so I tried to tough it out and fin to compensate whilst looping the line a second time.

The struggle was too great. I tried to get away with dumping from the wing but the wing was empty. Having had to duck dive to get down on full tanks, I was now on this second dive down to 70 bar and decidedly under weight.

I got to the point where I was breathing hard and struggling to avoid a feet first Polaris whilst still trying to loop the line and I thought bollocks to cool I am going to have to sort this out. Soooooo I put the reel down and retreated to the tank and used it to help me get my feet down under neath me so i could get the air to the top of my dry suit to dump.

I was mortified. DIR divers do not go vertical and definitely do not use the surrounding topography to assist in buoyancy control.

Having shrink wrapped my suit and emptied my wing I went back to retrieve the reel and finish my task. Bob was having none of it and signaled me to follow him. This was a double blow as I thought he thought I had lost it mentally. I considered arguing but felt this would make me look even more of a twat so I followed him.

Thankfully Bob led me to a reel he laid earlier and instructed me to retrieve that one. Bob acted as my No2 and did a pretty good job and I reeled in OK so that was a plus. Having done this we returned to see what was happening with the reel I had laid. Surprisingly it was still there???? There was no one from the rest of the group around so I un clipped it and proceeded, with Bob as No2 again, to reel it back to base.

This went well and I clipped off Andy Carrol's reel to my left hip D ring and followed Bob to the exit point. I caught Bob looking at me a bit strange and I figured the gig and looked back to find Andy C about 10mm from my mask strap above me. I knew he was up to no good and I prayed he hadn't turned my gas off for a laugh

Back on dry land Andy asked for his reel back and I looked down and was for about 5 seconds mortified to see it was missing. Then I looked up at his ugly grinning mush and realized the clever sod had unclipped it without me noticing whilst hovering above me in the water. I have read about instructors doing this to students and had been convinced that I would have noticed. I was wrong.

I should have gone home now but I am glad I didn't. I decided to take the bolocking from my wife and stay on for Bob's scooter session. This went off without a major hitch so I was pleased with that. We discovered a fault with Gledders scooter (which I was using) but apart from that it was all fun. I have to say I found scootering a lot easier than I thought it would be and a LOT more effort than I thought it would be. My hand and arm hurt after only a couple of min's in the water??. Obviously my crap technique has a lot to do with this.

I was gutted not to be able to stay on for the evening bash and miffed not to back again on Sunday but I had a fantastic if slightly embarrassing day. Many many thanks to Bob, Gledders and Andy for looking after me and well done all involved in making the DIR gig happen.

ATB

Mark Chase

[Alun]

Top report mate. There was quite a buzz going round that they'd managed to "get" Mark Chase!

It was a good day, there were a lot of "...well if you put it like that I can see it makes sense" moments.

[Bogwoppit]

Top report Mark..

I feel your pain have a greeny!

[Diving Dude]

Originally Posted by Mark Chase

Every now and again you do something so monumentally stupid..........

Mark, l'd suggest it's more than 'every now and again'

[Paul Oliver]

Originally Posted by Diving Dude

Mark, l'd suggest it's more than 'every now and again'

Bugger i'm gonna have to agree with his Dudeness

Nice report Mark

[onthetrain]

fantastic. well done mark

[And]

Nice post Mark, it was great to catch up after almost a year.

Andy

ps. I thought you were doing OK with the line laying

[Madfish]

Originally Posted by Mark Chase

and the girl who shouted out " I know you..... your the bloke who is always talking bollocks..."

A top report, especially the "girl" bit - have a green!

Madfish

[Reikimaster]

Shame you didnt make it back on the sunday, i got to meet some of the DIReers and it would have been good to meet you too as i dont think you talk that much bollocks and usually read what you do write.

[Bob Cooper]

Mark

Top marks for turning up and joining in the fun! It was good to see you again. Shame you couldn't stick around for the evening gig.

We had even more fun on Sunday...........

I left my scooter clipped off somewhere, read for the workshop. When I returned, it was gone!! I was sure somebody had just "borrowed" it, but when Kerslake convinced me he hadn't towed it off to the far reaches of Stoney Cove and hidden it, I began to worry...... I was convinced that it had been STOLEN!!

I hot-footed it off to the SC shop and demanded that they search every car before it leaves the site, "Sorry Sir we can't do that, it's illegal" they told me. "So is stealing fu*king scooters", I said...........

Anyway, I was a bit flustered about it all and when And suggested I just have a look around and see if it's floated off somewhere, we found it by the "bus stop" dohhhhhhh! It had, indeed, just floated away!

Thanks everybody for turning up. I think everybody had a good time.

Bob