"Women - Aarrgghh!" Dinger's Treatise on The Sexes.

[CotoChris]

Well, SWMBO went to the doctor today and I ended up having to take the anti-worming pills!!! WTF!

[Mr T.]

It's a woman's world, moans Michael Buerk
By Richard Alleyne
(Filed: 16/08/2005)

Michael Buerk, the veteran BBC newsreader, has launched a tirade against what he believes is the all-pervading influence of women in society, claiming that men have been reduced to little more than "sperm donors".

Buerk, the former presenter of The Nine O'Clock News whose report on Ethiopia inspired Live Aid, said that life was now lived "according to women's rules" and that traditional male traits had been marginalised.

In an interview with The Radio Times, he cited the decline of the manual workforce as an example of the trend as well as the number of women in top jobs at the BBC and other media outlets.

Buerk, who now presents BBC World and recently attacked some of his fellow news presenters for being overpaid "lame brains", complained that the "shift in the balance of power between the sexes" has gone too far and we needed to "admit the problem".

"Life is now being lived according to women's rules," he said. "The traits that have traditionally been associated with men - reticence, stoicism, single-mindedness - have been marginalised.

"The result is that men are becoming more like women. Look at the men who are being held up as sporting icons - David Beckham and, God forbid, Tim Henman."

Buerk cited females in the top jobs in the BBC as an example, saying "these are the people who decide what we see and hear".

He said: "Look at the changes in the workplace. There is no manufacturing industry any more; there are no mines; few vital jobs require physical strength.

"We have lots of jobs that require people skills and multi-tasking - which women are a lot better at."

The newsreader, who will also air his views on a new Channel Five series called Don't Get Me Started! is gaining a reputation for grumbling. As well as criticising his fellow presenters he also attacked London winning the Olympic Games claiming it would lead to "years of misery".

He said some changes had been for the good, but added: "What are the men left with? All they are is sperm donors, and most women aren't going to want an unemployable sperm donor loafing around and making the house look untidy.

"They are choosing not to have a male in the household."

Buerk said that when he started making the programme he "came across what I considered a very personal example of the changes that have taken place".

He said: "Almost all the big jobs in broadcasting were held by women - the controllers of BBC1 television and Radio 4 for example."

[Pretty Flowers]

Originally Posted by Mr T.

It's a woman's world, moans Michael Buerk

And his point is precisely what??

Just what is soooo terrible with *some* of the top jobs at the BBC being held by women? Are they less capable of doing them than men are?

Women had to put up with all top jobs at the BBC going to men for seventy something years. When I worked there it was the *most* inefficient place I had ever worked at. My working day consisted of

9.10 Stroll into work
9.15 Go and get coffee
9.45 Get coffee and go back to office
10.00 Go to meeting about having a meeting about something or other. This meeting would normally involve around 20 people who wouldn't be able to decide when to have the meeting as they would all be in meetings about meetings for the next six months
12.00 Lunch in the BBC canteen - pick your favourite of the eight on offer.
2.00 Back to work. Log on to jamjar.com and play games for the next three hours
4.45 Skive off early

I gave up working there after three months, because I didn't think anyone would notice the difference. The good old beeb carried on paying me for a further three months, which they then asked for back oh, around six months later...

Remember folks, it's your licence fee...

[Kev Emery]

How true is this ????



SHOWER

How To Shower Like a Woman :

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to
lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.


If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How To Shower Like a Man:



Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the
whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo'
sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.



I KNOW YOUR LAUGHING CAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!

************************************************** *******************

I cant for the life of me figure out how you add a joke to joke of the day
RNLI sponsership wanted

[Juz]

Originally Posted by Diving-Dragons

I cant for the life of me figure out how you add a joke to joke of the day

Click the button that says POST REPLY.

Juz

[Mr T.]

Originally Posted by Juz

Click the button that says POST REPLY.

Juz

Stunning brevity!

[Kev Emery]

Originally Posted by Juz

Click the button that says POST REPLY.

Juz

Yes looked at that and thought what am i replying to ???

[Mr T.]

Originally Posted by Diving-Dragons

Yes looked at that and thought what am i replying to ???

You're not replying to anything mate - you're simply adding another joke to the list in this case.

If you want to quote a portion or all of a given post, then hit the Quote key instead.

[Finless]

Originally Posted by Mr T.

You're not replying to anything mate - you're simply adding another joke to the list in this case.

If you want to quote a portion or all of a given post, then hit the Quote key instead.

Typical. Another case of one rule for the priveledged few and another for the masses!

I'll bet that if I had posted the aboce reply it would already have been wisked of to another section like "Ask the Admins".

Still, I'm not bitter about having my bits shifted round willy nilly! No, you won't hear a word of complaint from me. "Moan ye not" is my motto! I believe the Latin translation of Holly is "Silence is Golden". All good tenets to live by, in my opinion.

[Mr T.]

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"





CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.