The Ultimate Insult?

[Allan Carr]

On the way to taking my mother-in-law home on friday evening, we stopped off at a pub near her home for a quiet pint. Being Friday, the place was pretty full and obviously some diners had elected to eat in the bar areas rather than wait for a table in the restaurant. There were only two tables with any space, one right near the door which was b***** cold - it was freezing fog outside and since my M-i-l finds any temperature less than about 28 degrees to be positively arctic, we pulled up two chairs beside the fire and I sat on the end of a u-shaped bench around a table which could accommodate 10 people. The only other occupants were a couple who were eating over the other side. This obviously did not suit them because the man pushed past me and demanded to the waitress that they be relocated which they were, in the restaurant.

On their way out a short time later, the woman said in a rather loud voice directed at us as she left
'You despicable people. You are unbelievably rude. You completely ruined our meal.'

Then came the ultimate insult ' I'll bet you come from a council house!'

We were too taken aback to reply at that point. Why anyone should think they have the right to occupy seating for 12 people in a bar area on a busy Friday evening, I don't know.

My brother-in-law said we should have responded ' No luv, we're travellers, we live in a caravan. want your drive tarmac'd?'

However, I'm sure that there must be some better responses. Any suggestions?

[Lazlo]

Pick your nose and wipe it on her twin-set.

Follow them into the restaurant, get your mobile phone out and make some loud and irritating calls in a Dom-Joly stylee.


I find reinforcing other peoples stereotypes is always the best way to piss them off

[Conor]

'We do apologise for inconveniencing you, but it is cooks night off'

[Lou]

"Oh yes, I thought I recognised you from the estate, is your boy out the nick yet?"

[turbanator]

Originally Posted by Lazlo

I find reinforcing other peoples sterotypes is always the best way to piss them off

I agree, and there are times when a smart, witty reply wonn't do, I'd've reinforced the stereotype by telling her to eff off.

Similar things have happened to me before in the same pub as it happens - The Castle in Little Haven.

Both times it was a table for 4 and there were 2 of us, once we were at the table and the landlord asked if we'd mind sharing and once we were the 2nd couple.
Both times it's been a bit funny at first, but after a corse or two we got on ok and were buying drinks for each other.

I'd actively look to share a table with Pete the Painter, he's from Liverpool, but has lived in Little Haven for 25 years and will never be 'a local'.

r
Paul

[Steve S]

If I had a face like yours I'd put a paper bag over my head and teach my arse to talk, wait a minute, haven't you forgot your bag

Safe diving,
Steve

[Conor]

Lift one cheek and let rip

[Woz]

I would have got out my leather driving gloves, given them a slap across the face and said in a very loud voice "You, sir, are a cnut, sir. Outside. We shall duel with rapiers in the mist" then turned around and asked for a "second" from the pub in general.

[Conor]

Originally Posted by Woz

I would have got out my leather driving gloves, given them a slap across the face and said in a very loud voice "You, sir, are a cnut, sir. Outside. We shall duel with rapiers in the mist" then turned around and asked for a "second" from the pub in general.

Oh, I like your style

[Ant P]

Originally Posted by Allan Carr

However, I'm sure that there must be some better responses. Any suggestions?

Ignoring them is the best thing to do. They'll get upset and you'll get their table - job done.