Aggggghhh HSBC

[thewisestfish]

I apologise for this in advance - but I'd better get it off my chest now beofre I go and see the stupid tosser at the little HSBC bank in Morrisons Kirkstall AGAIN - for the second time today I might just take a fucking deckchair and a telly down there I feel like it's my second home honestly how can people be so STUPID!

I have had a HSBC (originally the lovely old Midland bank) account since I was 16, but at the beginning of September I decided to close it down, because their interest rate is crap, and also I bought a car, so I thought that after 15 years of being a customer they might offer me a good rate for a loan, stupid me, they offered me a really crap rate and were rude, - not even mentioning the fact that their call centre went out to India which is all well and good other than the fact that half the time the call centre staff can't understand what I'm saying, and I can'tunderstand what they're saying, and they have been provided with systems that mean that the information they can provide is significantly reduced to before the call centre moved - so I thought, right, stuff you lot then, I'll change all my bank accounts, so I did, to Smile, who I'm very happy with. Dead simple you would think - close my acount, transfer money to Smile current account, the end.

Oh but no - first, you can't close an account by phone, even though you clearly are who you say you are because you've given 300 passwords and number codes and all that shit - but no, you have to go into a branch, none of which are open on Saturdays, and all of which close at 4 during the week. Bonza - good fucking planning guys you bunch of tossers. So, I duly go into HSBC in Morrisons and endure the why do you want to close your account - and try very hard not to say, 'because your company is a profit driven pile of shit which has utterly forgotten the meaning of customer service and couldn't give a flying toss about making things easy and simple for the customer because you're far more interested in making whacking great profits for your top management to drive about in big expasive cars like a set of arseholes' so, eventually having bitten my tongue a lot, my account is closed. I gave the bloke in the bank my new Smile card (being a supposed experienced bank staff I didn't check what he was writing) and he took my account number to transfer the balance - end of.

Nope - 2 weeks later, still no money in my Smile Account - so I go into HSBC, and the woman there says say, ah, yes well, what's happened is that it's been sent to the sort code and Visa number off your card, not your account number (brilliant) so it'll be in a holding account with Smile. So, off I trot home and ring Smile - dead helpful, and blow me I can understand what the bloke is saying to me (this is not a veiled rascist dig either before anyone starts - it is a fact that it genuinely fucks me off that when I ring a call centre, for the sole reason of cost cutting on behalf of a company they are providing me with a shit serivce by putting people in place to man their phones who I genuinely can't understand - and who can't bloody understand me either) and he says - ah yep, we've sent it back to them because obviously it didn't have your account details on it correctly - so, oh bugger they've sent it back to my account with HSBC which is now closed, "what you need to do" he says "is get hold of HSBC and get them to grab that money when it hits your account and stop it from being sent back to us with the wrong account number, then they'll either be able to send it back to us with the right number or stop it completely and issue you with a cheque.... So, here we go, I ring HSBC - after entering all my passwords I get through after about 20 minutes to speak to a very apologetic women from India who says "I'm very sorry but we don't deal with closed accounts you'll have to go back to the branch." So I thought, buger that, I'll ring the branch - could she find me the number - could she buggery poor cow, she'g going "Morrisons Oxbridge?" Me "No, Leeds, Leeds West Yorkshire." Her "Morrisons Kendal?" I gave up - it's not her bloody fault is it!

For fucks sake - so, eventually I today (trip number 3) get back to the branch and the bloke now says "Ah, well, I can't deal with it, your account's been closed, I'll have to get a call centre in London to deal with it." I say "Well how do I know if it's going to be sorted out?" He says "Well you'll just have to wait and see if it turns up in your Smile account in about 3 days....." Me, somewhat fuming by now "Well please can you give me a direct number for this closed account centre in London so if it doesn't turn up I can ring someone and chase it?" Him - "No, you'll have to ring the call centre in India and go throught them..." God give me strength. Me "It's no wonder is it that people are leaving HSBC - like that's MY money - no-one elses money, my money, and the mistake was made by your staff, and now not only can I get my money, you can't give me a phone number for anyone so I can even check to see if it's been sorted out..." Him "Well as far as I'm aware We still have a lot of customers." You ocean sized muppet grrrrr I stomped up and down Morrisons isles for a good 3 minutes afterwards muttering to myself made me feel much better.

Anyway - so I get home and as soon as I get through the door I get a call on my mobile - it's the bloke from HSBC morrisons who says "Hi, erm, actually we haven't closed your account because you haven't given us back your card, so I can process the payment for you from here, but erm, I need you to come back down here and give me a signature please......"

So, full circle, now back to Morrisons for the final time I hope - other than the fact the the first bloke that cocked up in the first place told me to destroy my card myself so I have no card to give them back oh fucking joy I bet that's going to be another problem anyway I feel a bit calmer now - this kind of idiotic bureocracy really does make me want to leave this stupid country and all it's idiotic overcomplicated rules and red tape and general ridiculousness and go and live in Gambia in a tent with a goat.

Grrrrr.

[Fathoms Down]

I used to think HBSC were bad until I tried a personal account at Halifax and a business account at Lloyds....

[swissdave]

AK47 for when you have to kill every last mutherf**ker in the room,

maybe a bit extreme but i'll bet you don't get put on hold or told sorry not my department ring so and so.

If all that fails whatch Falling down for ideas.

[thewisestfish]

Originally Posted by swissdave

Falling down.

one of my favourite films - that and the bit out of planes trains and automobiles when steve martin wants to hire a car...

[ratcliffe]

Falling down was excellent, and a good refernce point for dealing with these type of companies
Hope you get it sorted!

[Jen]

HSBC? Did someone mention HS 'kin B 'kin C!

Great rant.

[BJ]

I think it a little unfair that you critcize the HongKong and Shanghai Banking Corporation for having a call centre in the Far East. What's wrong with a good old ENGLISH bank like err.....Blimey! The Nat West is owned by some 'king scotsmen!

[dry suit diver]

Originally Posted by BJ

I think it a little unfair that you critcize the HongKong and Shanghai Banking Corporation for having a call centre in the Far East. What's wrong with a good old ENGLISH bank like err.....Blimey! The Nat West is owned by some 'king scotsmen!

yes but even though the sweaties speak some strange language I CAN still understand them, HSBC call centre is like trying to order a takeaway on a Friday night after 10 pints.


That and the fact they call themselves the Worlds local bank and also advertise the fact that they understand local quirks and customs, well sorry but if they did understand they would realise that we don't want to deal with a far east call centre.

First direct seem to have no problem with english call centres and they are part of HSBC

[Dogs_Life]

I have to agree, the HSBC call centre in the far east must be one of the worst I have ever come across. I had a phone call from someone trying to sell me a loan the other week, couldn't understand a word - stated the fact & then just put the phone down (funnest thing was he said his name was Edward!).
If you want to speak to someone in English by phone then ring the telephone banking number and select the option to make a complaint. You should then be put through to someone in the UK (complain about the poor telephone banking service and also get your problem sorted at the same time).


I have also had problems trying to re-open an ISA account (didn't pay anything in last year). Booked an appointment with a HSBC financial adviser who gave me a form to fill in at my leisure (had to sit through 60 minutes of hard sell on other products though). Filled it in and took it back but was told by the person behind the counter that I had filled it in incorrectly (the financial adviser had crossed out certain sections that I needed to fill in). After explaining this I was told I was a lier and that a financial adviser would never cross out sections. I was then told I had the wrong form and that I would need to book another appointment with a financial adviser as they are the only people who can re-open ISA accounts.
Suffice to say my ISA account is still closed but I did learn an important lesson - if you want to speak to someone in English by phone you have to make a complaint!

[ratcliffe]

I'm with First Direct, and have been very impressed in the year that I have been with them so far. Unlike Alliance and Leicester, who had been completely useless since buying the Absolutely Perfect National Girobank (best bank I've ever been with, even if they did have a blue lion!)