The War on Political Correctness

[Zdu]

Originally Posted by MATTBIN

Thong's anyone.

Seen in Perth, "No Thongs after 9pm"

Do they have thomething against thingers then?

Listening to the radio over my usual bowl of bran-flakes I hear that a local council (Bury-St-Edmunds I think) are putting a CCTV in Santa's grotto and insisting kids sit next to him rather than on his knee. I think this was the same council that fairy lights on Christmas trees in public places and banned hanging baskets in the summer.

[The Purist]

They jutht lithen for anyone thinging

[chrisch]

The problem is the Turkish language. An English teacher (as in teaches English, and also was English) was mystified by the class giggling. He was a little inarticulate (hey he's a teacher) and punctuated his sentences with "umm" a lot.

Sadly this is the Turkish slang word for female genitalia.

Talking of which UK company Powergen have a filial over here.
Find them at www.powergenitalia.com (its "under construction" actualy)

Or so I'm told anyway!

Chris

[jamesp]

Originally Posted by chrisch

Talking of which UK company Powergen have a filial over here.
Find them at www.powergenitalia.com (its "under construction" actualy)

Or so I'm told anyway!

Chris

Having spent 18months sorting out the total Horlicks Powergen made of invoicing the electricity for the business, I would say that they are experts on genitalia. Either from examination, mimickry or I was overheard describing my opinion of them!

[Mr T.]

500-yard taxi ride
(Filed: 05th Dec 2004)

BBC bosses said that they had hired taxis to ferry staff 500 yards from a car park to a new £45 million broadcasting centre in Birmingham city centre to ensure the safety of those working in the early hours.

[Dinger]

FROM: Melanie Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Christmas Party.

I'm happy to inform you that the Company Christmas Party will take place on Tuesday December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. Table wine will be provided by the Company and there will be a bar for any further drinks you may wish to buy.

We'll have a small band playing traditional carols......feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1 :00 pm.
Exchanging of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £5 to make it easy on everyone's pockets.

Our CEO will propose a Christmas toast, and also has a special announcement to make at the party!

There will be a raffle in aid of charity; let me know which cause or
causes you would like to support.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Mel.


Tue Dec 2nd 2003

FROM: Melanie Lewis,
Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. I apologise if any offence was taken as none was intended.
We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or to those who are still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree at the party, and no Christmas Carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment, and the CEO will appear in his regular clothes.

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Mel

Fri Dec 5th 2003

FROM: Melanie Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party


Another issue has arisen..........Union representatives feel that £5 is too much money for gifts, whereas executives have suggested that it is a little mean.
Therefore GIFTS WILL NOT BE EXCHANGED AT THE PARTY.

Please also note that in accordance with several requests, the function room will be declared a no smoking zone.


Regards from Mel.


Tue Dec 9th 2003

FROM: Melanie Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim Holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

We can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. I will see if the Grill House can hold off serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take home in foil doggy bags. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the Gay men, each group will be allocated their own table.
Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though.

Yes we will have cushions for short people, and I have personally checked on behalf of tall people that the private function room at the Grill Bar does not have low ceilings or pendant light fittings. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
There will be fresh fruit as dessert for Diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts.

Sorry we cannot control the salt used in the food; we suggest those people with high blood pressure should eat very small portions. I have also been contacted by employees with wheat, dairy and other allergies......you are advised to consult the notice board in reception where a copy of the menu has been posted. We hope you will find something to suit, if not just come and soak up the atmosphere while your colleagues eat their meals!

Mel





Joined: 27 Aug 2004
Posts: 693
Location: In front of a screen thats hurtin my eyez.
Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 10:46 pm Post subject:



Fri Dec 12th 2003

FROM: Melanie Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

I am sorry that I have not replied to e-mails or answered the phone in the last couple of days................... I have been rather busy.

I must insist that if you have a specific request regarding the forthcoming Holiday Party, you put it in writing and send it through internal mail, rather than coming to findme and discuss it while I am eating my lunch in the canteen, or as happened last night, waiting for me at 6.30pm in the car park. (I missed my daughter's school play as a result).

I am also sorry to disappoint the numerous male members of staff who have requested I seat them next to a certain young lady from the typing pool;she will be sitting next to the CEO.

I am however, happy to confirm that although the function room is upstairs, there is a lift for the convenience of those who do not DO stairs.

Mel.



Mon Dec 15th

FROM: Melanie Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name.
I could accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous any more. How am I
supposed to handle this? Somebody?

I have received only a few (genuine) suggestions regarding good causes to which you would like the proceeds of the raffle money donated.

The cause that gained the most suggestions was to pay for accommodation and food at a hostel over the holiday period for Charlie, the homeless gentleman who sleeps under our bin shelter on most nights.

Other suggestions put forward were: the RSPCA, Oxfam, The Sanctuary for Injured Owls, the Gay and Lesbian Rights Society, two different 'Save Our Village School' campaigns and a local Battered Wives Refuge.
(Is there a Refuge for Battered Human Resources Directors?!!)

However, I am sorry to inform you that a decision has been taken to cancel the raffle.
Members of the Christian Union Group have objected to raffles in principle, on the grounds that they are a form of gambling.

I don't know if I'm going crazy, but personally, I will be donating my raffle money to Charlie in the form of a bottle, if anyone else wishes to donate food, beverages or money, he says he would be very appreciative.

There are only 8 days to go until the date of the party, so I will accept NO MORE REQUESTS regarding the arrangements for the party, as I need to get on with my 'proper' job.


Mel.



Tue Dec 16th 2003

FROM: Melanie Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All ****** Employees!
RE: The ****** Holiday Party!

Vegetarians, Vegans, you miserable b******s ...... I've had it with you people!!! Okay maybe you are a special case and my ruling of no more requests in my last memo was unfair, but I DON'T CARE!! SHUT UP. GO AWAY.

We're going to keep this ****** party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so Veggie's and Vegans can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ******* salad bar, including your organic tomatoes...........they scream when you slice them.....yes, I know,............ I've heard it.

And to the IDIOT who asked whether the grill bar napkins are produced from recycled paper, I suggest you ******- well bring your own.


I hope you all have a miserable holiday.

The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!



Wed Dec 17th 2003

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All employees
RE: Melanie Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Mel Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon off on the 23rd Dec with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

[Mr T.]

Firms urged to ban mistletoe
By Oliver Poole
(Filed: 11/12/2004)

Guidelines urging employers to think carefully about holding a Christmas party in case it resulted in them being sued were condemned yesterday as "using a sledgehammer to crack a nut".

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents and the TUC issued the advice, which included banning mistletoe in case it resulted in sexual harassment claims.

It also said workers should be instructed not to photocopy parts of their body in case the machine broke and glass caused painful injuries.

The advice was issued after it emerged that eight in 10 firms were considering scrapping the annual festive party because of fears of litigation.

Earlier this year Elizabeth Weston, a City lawyer, was awarded £1million after an executive made comments about her sex life and breasts at an office Christmas party.

The TUC said: "There won't be much Christmas cheer in your workplace if your winter wonderland turns out to be a danger zone."

But there were fears the Christmas party, traditionally seen as a reward to staff for their work, would be turned into a "damp squib".

Nick Goulding, chief executive of the Forum of Private Business, said: "The purpose of Christmas parties is to encourage team spirit. If you tie them down with pettifogging regulations, it is like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut."

Denis McCourt, of Awesome Events, said the rules were more likely to result in problems than if employees were just allowed to get on with enjoying themselves.

"Employees appreciate a good party as it helps morale and overall productivity. "

The RoSPA last night defended its guidelines. "We are not party poopers," said Roger Bibbings, its occupational health adviser.

[Mr T.]

Going to a Christmas party? Don't forget your suit
By Catriona Davies
(Filed: 04/12/2004)

With the Christmas party season approaching you could be thinking of relaxing and letting your hair down.

Unless you are a lawyer, in which case you may be preparing for your next compensation claim.

Lawyers are warning that employers could face legal challenges if they do not take different religions into account when planning their Christmas party.

Thinking of holding an alcohol-fuelled party in a bar? It could offend Muslims who do not drink. How about a Friday night? Not if you have Jewish employees who have to be home an hour before dusk for the Sabbath.

The Employment Equality (Religion or Belief) Regulations 2003, which came into effect last December, prohibit discrimination on the grounds of religious belief. And this could create pitfalls for party planners.

Although no one is believed to have taken action so far, lawyers warn that a claim could be looming. Ingrid Overett Somnier, an employment lawyer at Coudert Brothers, said: "Many employers remain unaware that Christmas office parties can pose real problems for non-Christian employees."

However, Sadiq Khan, the chairman of the legal affairs committee for the Muslim Council of Britain, said: "I can't imagine anyone taking their employer to tribunal for having a Christmas party on the Sabbath or in a pub. The regulations are more about facilities in the workplace. There won't be a flood of legal cases about staff parties - that's not what Christmas is all about. We would ask people to use common sense.

"Christmas parties are to improve staff morale, and Muslims want to do that as much as anyone else."

The risk for employers apparently extends not just to the Christmas party, but to working arrangements over the festive period.

Mrs Overett Somnier said: "Employers should be careful when closing the office between Christmas and New Year not to indirectly discriminate against non-Christian staff.

"Some employees may object to being compelled to use their valuable holiday allowance during the festive season and request alternative working arrangements. Employers could run the risk of legal action if they refuse staff holidays during, for example, Muslim or Hindu festivals without good reason."

[Mr T.]

You have got to read ALL of this PDF file (see link below) from RoSPA! I understand that they fulfil a valuable role, but this really is Pecksniff territory.

Office Party Planner - from the TUC & RoSPA [pdf]


Royal Society of Scrooges
(Filed: 11/12/2004)

We have nothing but the greatest respect for George V, but what did he think he was doing when he gave the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) its royal charter 80 years ago? RoSPA is the killjoy behind the new Christmas party checklist, suggesting a ban on candles, flaming puddings, smoking, mistletoe and the photocopying of parts of your anatomy.

Where everybody else sees a chance to inject some joy into their lives at the high points of the year, the RoSPA Scrooges can see only doom and gloom. Over the spring bank holiday, RoSPA warned: "A man with a mower is likely to be the most dangerous thing in UK gardens." At the height of summer, it solemnly told us: "Hot weather sadly often brings drowning tragedies."

RoSPA should lose its charter and be renamed SSBO, the Society for the Statement of the Bleeding Obvious. Yes, we know accidents happen, but to live in constant fear of them is to live a joyless life.

[ahar]

DWP has renamed the Christmas Advance (where you can a bit of cash up front for pressies etc) the 'Religous Holiday Advance' .........