HELP - I am in the mire

[diverdan]

I am looking for some help - useful excuses, tall stories etc as I am in the Sh*te.

Went on a liveaboard, without her indoors, on the Red Sea for a week's diving early October and hurt my knee. It never interfered with the diving (well what would done 20 dives) but since I got home I have been unable to walk properly and I cannot put my full weight on the leg.

She is making my life miserable now about the time I have not been able to do anything and my time away diving. I even pointed out to her that I have not been out diving since I got back so that shows how bad my knee is but all that seemed to do was make her more angry. Woman!!!!

Over to you lot for a laugh!!!!!!

[Helen F H]

Go to the quacks and get some proper advice about it. Then you can bullshit her with the proper names for what you have done (and probably get it sorted). Even better if he gives you pills for it!

BTW diving with any injury is well dodgy as an injury site is much more likley to suffer from a bend. Go and stand in the corner!

[Finless]

If you continue to dive with a manky knee you will fin round in circles. Bugger the other one up and, although you will fin very slowly, it will at least be in a straight line.

[Finless]

Originally Posted by diverdan02

I am looking for some help - tall stories etc as I am in the Sh*te!

Tall stories? Read her extracts from the book Land of the Giants.

Quite honestly, if you are in the shit with her, your only methods of escape are - exceptionally good sex, spending money on her and time (lots of it).

Indeed, you may need to employ all three and you are totally screwed (if you'll pardon the pun) on the first one if you have a gammy knee!

[Brass Monkey]

Originally Posted by Finless

Quite honestly, if you are in the shit with her, your only methods of escape are - exceptionally good sex, spending money on her and time (lots of it).

Indeed, you may need to employ all three and you are totally screwed (if you'll pardon the pun) on the first one if you have a gammy knee!

Not unless he can lick his eye brows Prepare for jaw fatigue as well as a gammy knee. Sometimes helps to bring them down from a 9 to around 5 0r 6 on the "I'm sick of bastard men" scale

Dave.

[Simon TW]

Bin her.... you can't be ruled by non diving women.... they just can't understand, It's not her fault so no blame attached let her know that in the bit about unreasonable behavior in the divorce petition.

Oh yes hope to hell that you get a "Scuba" Judge. preferably a man.

So No worries ...........

[Zdu]

Got to the Doctor and get some flashy latin name for the injury then say the following:

"The doctor said that this has been an injury waiting to happen for a number of years and was probably brought on by football/ cricket/ rugby (delete / insert where appropriate). Luckily the diving has probably delayed this injury as it has contributed to beneficial movement similar to gentle physiotherapy. Thus, when I am back to fitness the Doctor has recommended more diving to ease it back to health."

I take cheques, cash and paypal by the way...

[colinpjenkins2]

looking at your profile you are in the age group for Arthroscopy (worn out knee) Did you play sport before particularly turn a plant stuff(Squash, Badmington, football) they are the worst to wear things out. Have you a lump behind your knee? If so its a Cyst caused by fluid being pushed out of the knee this hurts like hell for a couple of weeks as it grows but the pain gets less later. If its this then tell her its just bad luck and she should appreciate that you were so fit.This can happen at any time without warning or without apparent cause, but the bottom line is go and see a quack. How do I know about this stuff. Well I am sitting at home with bandage on knee recovering from my op,this time my right leg left was done 6 years ago. Takes about 10 days to recover and once done its all fine.

[Odin]

Hi Colin - hope you got my email? At least you now have time to read up all about the Maldives ready for your next trip.... envy mode on...